I very much believe that I am not the only female who has struggled, struggles and will struggle with the concept of true support of the male, and also Life for that matter.
My first encounter with the Toltec concept of true support and the responsibility of the female in that was, let's say, exciting and very encouraging. In other words, I decided that if you are not a battle-axe, an incorrigible tart or a doormat, (at that time I was determined that none of the above had ever applied to me), then you will be very close to the moment of breathing a true female's air, whatever that means. Nice and simple, but unfortunately not quite true.
The moment I started to search for a deeper UNDER-STANDING of what true support of the male means for ME, I ended up in a mess of neatly-aligned rules, face-values and most of all, doings. Looking at them through my heart's eye, they all looked like paper lilies soaked in hot water - pretty pathetic, I must say.
What I discovered for myself was that the ONLY true support I can ever be is to be completely honest in EVERY breath with the male. Here I mean honesty, not in its moral quality, but as an act of survival. For is not the honesty of the female the ink that draws the map of the Unknown? And no matter how very talented the cartographer, when dishonesty clogs the fountain pen, the mapping of the Unknown will never happen. In this respect I do not believe a great deal in DOING things for the male in order to support him, neither do I trust a male who attaches TOO much value to what I DO for him.
All this seems common sense, rather than a great discovery. But it is easier said than done, for true honesty, as simple as it is, is an art that requires commitment and endless mastering. So, the moment I decided that I want to learn about true honesty, the challenges were quick to follow and I was, and I still am, less than amused, so I will skip that bit for now and neatly share what I have learned.
I learned that WANTING to be honest does not make me an honest person. It simply means that I am acknowledging the fact that I am NOT being honest.
Honesty is a powerful force and requires adequate expression. That is how I became aware of my NEED to apply draconian discipline to my use of words.
Dishonesty can never be masqueraded as ignorance, for to succeed in that means to succeed in denting, if not breaking the spirit of the male concerned.
I learned also that being honest does not mean being either a heart-reader or a truthsayer. In other words, honesty does not make me RIGHT, and although I may be speaking my heart in the moment, I still have not broken free from my selective perception.
I discovered also that is very healthy to remember at all times that it takes courage to express myself honestly, but it takes double the courage to handle responsibly the consequences of my honesty.
Honesty is not the best match for insensitivity, although it is a willing partner sometimes.
If honesty is not an expression of my love and commitment to my own learning, I am actually blaming the male, inflicting guilt on him or simply pursuing my own agenda.
So if a male comes to me having lost a battle, cooking him the best meal, or being kind and gentle, may be great, but for me it is just a healthy doing. My grandmother would enjoy doing this. For me true support would be to share how I truly FEEL about his failure. There is hardly anything more inspiring than a male approaching his failures with humility and commitment to learn. In that, the so-called failure is more uplifting than any victory.
Being honest and truly supporting when the male has no clue about humility and understanding, let alone true learning, is a different story, or rather a different movie. Below is part of my selection of titles. Having fun in all this is perfectly possible, if one keeps in mind the not always acceptable concept of mirrors.
"The Taming of the Shrew"
"War and Peace"
"The Silence of the Lambs"
"Star Wars 1-100"
Having said that, I must add that a very good place to start learning about true support is supporting a FRIEND. It does become enjoyable and meaningful with time, and that is all that matters.