Male, the, an unwilling partner, ARTICLE ON from Warriors' Journeys


  • Male, the, an unwilling partner, ARTICLE ON
  • Co-dependency, ARTICLE ON
  • Friendship, ARTICLE ON

When I first started out as an apprentice I had very little understanding of what it meant to be a male, except I knew that the male provides the lead. Through my relationships I learned some of the deeper implications of what it meant to be an unwilling party.

Being an unwilling partner to me means that the male always follows his heart in every interaction. More than this, the male is answerable to only his heart; i.e. his true self. One of the first examples of where this came up was in my relationship with X. We wanted to be friends, because we had a feeling of warmth towards each other. The battle came with the fact that we had different and distorted perceptions of what it meant to be friends. I have since learned the harsh REALITY that a true friendship is one of the most difficult relationships one can have. The warmth X and I had between each other is real enough, but I allowed myself to become a willing partner to my PERCEPTION of what it means to be a friend. Due to our distorted perceptions, our friendship turned into a type of co-dependency, or to use one of Théun's favorite expressions; a "soggy, gooey mess".

Speaking for myself, my perception of friendship was that we both shared our lives with each other and tried to "help" each other. This perception of friendship was distorted, because I did not see the necessity for a foundation (i.e. mutual needs). This caused our friendship to be founded instead on our mutual NEEDINESS.

My perception of friendship was also distorted in that it did not take into account that any true friendship has CONFLICT, and lots of it. In fact, given what I know now, I have to say that a TRUE friendship is only possible if both people are on the Warrior's Path. The conflict must be present, because both individuals are busy learning about themselves from the friendship. It takes warriors to build a true friendship, because the people concerned need the necessary wherewithal to practice true unconditional love. This is something that only a warrior is capable of.