Altruism, ARTICLE ON from Warriors' Journeys

  • Altruism, ARTICLE ON

Working with my shortcoming (altruism) was rather surprising. The most surprising thing was recognizing that some behavior patterns which I believed were a manifestation of my "bad temper," were really a manifestation of my shortcoming. In this respect some guidance given by Théun on altruism appeared to be very enlightening for me in respect of constantly feeling myself guilty:

"What you describe is an intrinsic characteristic of Altruism, in that no-one has to teach the proverbial Good Shepherd NOT to blame anyone else, for the Good Shepherd is only TOO quick to blame himself for EVERYTHING, including the fact that it rained on your birthday, that you stubbed your toe and that your fiancé dumped you for another woman! This is part of the ILLUSION that BECAUSE you are a unit of the One Life it simply MUST be your fault that the world is going to hell! Needless to say, once you start blaming yourself for everything, including everyone's else's folly, you end up feeling so shit about yourself that you can find ZERO value in being alive, let alone in being YOU! But once again, only by cultivating a very STRONG sense of being thoroughly OBJECTIVE can this tendency be corrected!"

To tell the truth this "part of the illusion" gave me a lot of headaches. Firstly feeling shit takes too much time, and you just haven't got the time and energy for anything else. Secondly I had problems with moving forward, even when I had strong intention to move, and all the required knowledge as well. But when you try to step forward people are not always happy with it, and this was the situation I struggled with. I began to blame myself for hurting other people and stepped back.

It wasn't difficult to recognize these patterns in my daily life when I started to take notice of them. I recognized also that very often I took part in battles that were not my battles, simply because I was feeling guilty.

So as a not-doing I try to be aware of what is going on with me when I am in a bad mood, and to check my motives for rushing into battles, including battles with myself.

This is still a work in progress. The most difficult thing is NOT to blame myself for feeling guilty. <wg> On the other hand, the most funny thing was that some people who in my perception felt "hurt" because of me, in fact didn't feel that way at all, and actually wanted to support me, if I was able to give them a chance. So ILLUSION can create a big mess!