Self, forgiveness of, ARTICLE ON from Warriors' Journeys


  • Self, forgiveness of, ARTICLE ON
  • Apprentice (s), stalking own perception, ARTICLE ON
  • Anger, suppressed, ARTICLE ON

HALLOWED BE THY NAME
(Part 1)

"… there is a lot of suppressed anger in me and my tendency to take myself extremely seriously is not helping any."

"… you have never been WILLING to acknowledge that deep down INSIDE you have always ADMIRED the FACT that your father was WILLING and ABLE to step out of the circle in HIS way! I am NOT saying that he did this in the right way- merely that he DID! You have admired and hated him for this! The suppression comes from the hidden admiration."

      (extract from personal guidance I received from Théun)

"… I don't seem to be able to visualize the Yellow Rose of Friendship…"

"And you won't, until you have come to GRIPS with your suppressed anger TOWARDS Life, your Father which art in HEAVEN !"

              (extract from personal guidance I received from Théun)

"… the Universe is being divided by "neikos" (the source of separativeness) … through Friendship is being re-united in ONE".

     (Aristotle, Metaphysics or Beyond the Naturals, book A v. 985a, 25-27)

……………………………………………………

… recurring emotions spiraling with a maddening speed, seeking temporary relief, seeking a source to conveniently blame.

… anger arising from the depths of beingness, threatening to veil everything, threatening to become the center of all existence.

… through the darkness something stirs and slowly begins to form a man's figure. Soon it attracts all the emotions; soon it attracts all the blame…

-Why are you directing all that anger AT me son?

-Father? It cannot be you. You died many years ago.

-You have reached beyond the boundaries of time. Your anger has pulled me towards you. Why all this rage?

-You deceived me father.

-How?

-You made me believe you were someone you couldn't have possibly been; and then you died before I had the opportunity to unmask you, before I had the chance to cry, "Fraud," to your face.

-What if you had that chance? It wouldn't have changed anything. For as long as you feel this way you'll never be able to forgive yourself by forgiving me; you'll never be able to move on in life. You'll be forever stuck in pointless blame.

-You led me to believe you were someone great, while at the same time I was never good enough for you. No matter what I did, no matter what I accomplished, I never had your approval!

-To be an approval-seeker means to become the hunted. You had to learn that.

-You could have taught me in a different manner, you could have shown me in a different way.

-No, I couldn't have. The relationship we manifested on this earth was the relationship you had with your own true self. It is what brought you and me together. It is why you chose me to be your father in this lifetime. You had to find your way forward through all the challenges that I brought you.

-I never wanted this.

-But I could never be the father you wanted. I had to be, I always am, the father you NEEDED. It is through my resistance to life that you learned. In the beginning you identified with me, you believed that my values were yours as well. But slowly you began to find your own way. Do you remember the first time you differentiated from me?

-It was through music. You hated it and in my early years I professed I hated it too.

-Ah, but what a joy when you started to discover and explore music. It was something you found yourself, a whole new world, a journey upon which you embarked while pioneering away from me.

-Why couldn't you just lead by example?

-I did lead you by example. But the blame game makes you so selective that you just can't see it. What about alcohol? I very rarely touched it. Why didn't you follow my lead there?

-fFFFffFffffFFFFffffffff..........

-Exactly. It is when you do not have an answer that you manifest anger. You don't like to have your shortcomings shoved in your face and yet you are so very eager to play the blame game, so very eager to stone the adulteress.

-It is not true…

-Instead of blaming others for their shortcomings, work with yours. Search for the unrealised potential they contain, otherwise your life will be just a repetition of mine!

-Never!

-But look around you son! You profess that you despise me and yet you are upholding a frame that is an exact replica of mine.

-LIAR!

-Look at the way you choose to relate to the females you have in your life. Look at the way you choose to perceive yourself as a male. You believe that it's the sexual prowess that opens the gates to maleness!

-Shut up! I am not you and I never will be.

-Wake up son! You need to leave the past behind you. You need to start pioneering towards the new; you need to find the way in order to fulfill your fate.

-NO! I do have a life and I intend to live it the way I choose. I do have my challenges but I'm perfectly capable of dealing with them. In the end I'll have my life on my own terms.

-But this is exactly why you are so angry AT me! Because I've already taught you that you can never have life on your own terms!

-SHUT UP! You screwed up my life as a child; I won't let you do it to me again! I CAN and I WILL have my life anyway I choose to!

-You have no time…

-GO AWAY! I didn't ask you to be here. Get back to the dead where you belong and stay buried!

…silence…

TURNING and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming."