Mother's Awareness is extremely ancient in nature and is something evolved in the previous manifestation of this universe. As such, none of us in physical incarnation are completely free of Mother's Awareness. It is a challenge that needs to be continually transmuted, or perhaps you can view it as the island of the tonal for this manifestation. What worries me is that you have absolved yourself of this challenge and projected it onto your husband and mother. What you are saying is that you have arrived. Where have you arrived? Why do you think it is that you share your life with these two people? Why did you choose your mother to be your mother? Why did you choose your husband, and what did you feel when you married him? What was 'not so' when you got married and how has it changed?
You are soliciting pity and indulging in the blame game! You found the teachings at precisely the time you were meant to; no sooner and no later. You now have to apply an enormous amount of effort to how you relate to yourself and consequently to life.
Z, I am not trying to imply that your challenge is an easy one, but by the same token we never get given challenges that we cannot deal with. If you cannot support the present manual your husband is providing you with, start exploring alternatives. Do not take my words at face value!
You must answer my questions, Z, not for my sake, but for yours.
With warm regards,