Presently I am personally hunting for power by looking and finding, believing and fighting for my self value.
I am keeping one big eye on my feelings of worth in situations and interactions and the other big eye on how other people see me. Why and what they see, what am I showing them, how I do my behavior. This is helping me get a better insight into myself, going below my layers to find that part of me that is worthy. Realizing that I am not nothing, but that in fact there is loads to me, and that all that it takes is believing in myself and my actions.
An example of this was when the group was up in Tenby. Y and myself spent a wonderful day together climbing up the mountain. When we got to the bottom we had an argument about salt and vinegar crisps. Something unusual for me when it comes to the men in my life is that I stood up for myself and what I believed in ME. This time I did not let myself slip and go for less confrontation or making the other person happy. I felt very strongly within myself and went with it all the way. Even though the pain was extreme it only lasted a few hours whereas the feeling of unworthiness has been around for years.
This is not being made easy for me since our return; my email communications gets corrupted, my boss asks me what I am doing there when I turn up for work, my boyfriend goes for a piss while we are talking on the phone, and when I go to sell some things to make money, which I am quite short of, their value is hardly anything at all. In the same breath, this is making me more determined.
Thank you very much for all of your guidance,
All my love,