Hetroflexibility (the male issue), versus homosexuality from Warriors' Experience


  • Hetroflexibility (the male issue), versus homosexuality
  • Théun Mares, addressing an apprentice on the male issue
  • Homosexuality, versus the male issue (heteroflexibility)

My friend, with something like what you have described to me it is hard to know where to start, for the story is LONG and it is exceedingly COMPLEX, which is why you no longer know yourself. I will therefore just simply start the ball rolling and we can then address each issue separately depending upon which of these you are seeking clarity on. But I would also like to respectfully ask that you please bear in mind that BECAUSE this story is long and highly involved, you do NOT jump to conclusions or, worse still, ASSUMED understanding!

You and I are NOT embarking upon a witch-hunt, and neither is this about BLAME, about JUDGEMENT or CONDEMNATION! I am here to SUPPORT you in the task of LEARNING about yourself and in gaining CLARITY on the true nature of the challenges you face! By now it should also be quite CLEAR to you just how MUCH I do love you, respect you, and admire you. I admire you because since day one you have always been so willing to simply EMBRACE your challenges, pick up the ball and run with it! But if I am going to guide you through this challenge, then it goes without saying that we MUST look OBJECTIVELY at both your role as well as the role of your father in all of this.

In having worked with you for some time now I very much doubt that you can even vaguely remember when you have NOT felt utterly BAD about yourself! You may say, but we ALL feel bad about ourselves in one way or another! And this is true, but when I say you feel bad about yourself my words do not really describe just HOW bad you truly feel about yourself! In order to COVER UP for how you truly see yourself, and simply as an act of survival in having to FACE the world around you despite how you feel about yourself, you have learned to live a lie, and to such an extent that you sometimes find it hard even within yourself to differentiate CLEARLY between what is false and what is true!

Needless to say, this has made you feel even worse about yourself, and therefore you tell even more lies to yourself and more lies to those around you! So great has been your struggle not to HATE yourself continuously that you have reached a point in your life where FEAR of exposure has your mind in an almost vice-like grip and CONTROL! It is NOT that you do not WANT to change, for I can see that you truly DO want to change! But the biggest challenge you face in trying to change is how NOT to be totally DEBILITATED by your FEAR of exposure, and thereby remaining a VICTIM of your own mind! This is why I have chosen to speak to you in this way. :)

I am NOT trying to defend you, my friend, and neither am I in any way condoning your behaviour, but in order to grasp your behaviour for what it truly is it is vital that you first grasp what is the CAUSE of this behaviour, for if one has lived a lie for as long as you have, one no longer knows the truth.

Where and when did all of this start? For you it all started when you were still a very young child. You were starved of love, but more specifically, of warmth as a child, and mostly from your father! In this respect, and WITHOUT blaming your father, Z has a great deal to answer for with respect to HOW his son grew up whilst HE was so busy running away from his challenges and trying to get off the Wheel of Rebirth!

I saw Z very clearly through you at the very first retreat you attended, and what I saw filled me with immense anger! But to cut a long story short, Z has always been a very physical man with a strong sexual drive, yet he saw this as standing in his way as far as enhancing his spiritual growth is concerned, and so he SUPPRESSED his sexual drive, or at least tried to! His stance on this is that it is somehow bad, and he even made your mother SUPPORT him in this! As a result, even the normal physical warmth that children so thrive on became frowned upon as something to be avoided! In all of this you grew up in an environment that was COLD and UNFEELING to say the least! As a result you started to CRAVE warmth and, of course, love too, more and more, but most especially warmth, the warmth from another human being, and more precisely, warmth from your own father!

What has been the outcome of this? In your pursuit of warmth, but having grown up to FEEL that it is bad and to be avoided, you, never really having KNOWN what true warmth entails, or even how you SHOULD perceive it, started to lead a highly promiscuous life filled with lies! But worse than this, is the fact that because you have such an utterly DISTORTED perception of warmth you gravitated towards what can only be termed the "dirty" side of the sexual act! This did not make you feel good about yourself, and yet the DRIVE towards finding at least SOME warmth, forced you into trying to JUSTIFY your acts! If you recall, at your very first session with me I already then confronted you on this issue, telling you that you are a liar and a sleazy jerk! :)

But to continue. For you it has always remained a question of trying to get love and warmth from the male! This is also where the behaviour of constantly seeking approval comes from. As far as you are concerned this quite literally went as far as, "I will do ANYTHING just so that you will love me and approve of me!" Although this started for you with your father, in never getting that love or warmth from Z, you very soon started to project this onto every male and man you became close to! But by now believing that warmth is bad, and that seeking warmth is bad, you firmly believed that YOU are bad for SEEKING warmth, and therefore do not DESERVE any REAL love or warmth, other than the "dirty" side of the sexual act! Wrapped up in all of this is also a great deal of ANGER, anger at having been made to feel this way, anger at NOT having been given that love and warmth from Z, and anger at constantly feeling REJECTED by the men you do start to feel close to! To cope with all of this you developed your other big behaviour pattern of, "I am okay! I am great! I am doing just FINE!" Grin, grin, smile, puff out your chest and strut like a true MAN who can take the punches standing up! "Look at me! I am not hurting, and I have coped with ALL of my challenges by yesterday!" All of it a lie!

How far how this gone? Too far! By the time you found me you had already dug for yourself a very deep hole from which you are still struggling to escape! By a deep hole, I mean even having gone so far in trying to win your father's love and approval that you crooked your final examinations at University! But how does one live with the knowledge that you are a fraud, my friend? How does one look one's parents in the eyes and say, "I cheated because I so badly want you to love me and approve of me? And now that I have cheated and lied, I CANNOT tell you, for if I do you will reject me!" This is only one example, my friend, for you have, as you well know, even more skeletons in the cupboard than those you have exposed to me, and all of them for the same reason! :)

If you look objectively at all I have shared, then it should not surprise you that you have often been cold and insensitive towards others, and most especially towards those you are close to! But most important of all it should now also be clear to you why you have developed such an infatuation for wanting to be sexually taken by another male! As soon as you start feeling close to a male in your life you start to long desperately to experience his warmth and his love, and then before you know it, you have become BLINDED by what you perceive as a budding friendship between yourself and the other male! Then wham bang! Up comes the sleaziness coupled with the intense desire to be really CLOSE to the other male, and it is not long before you are starting to dream about wanting to have a sexual relationship with that male, and fantasising about what it would be like to be kissed by him!

Is any of this wrong? Does any of this make you bad? :) No, my friend! It is simply a challenge like any other challenge. It is only because of social conditioning that some people would judge you for being a pervert! I personally feel no such judgement, for I of all people KNOW that we call forth whatever challenges we need within life, and for me no challenge is ever better or worse than another challenge - all challenges are EXACTLY what we NEED in order to learn and to grow! And perhaps it will help you to know that you are NOT alone in facing this challenge.

I have for some years now been following similar threads within the web of life, and what I have seen is that there are today a growing number of heterosexual men the world over who, like yourself, are deeply troubled and distressed by the fact that they secretly long for the warmth and the love of another male, but invariably perceive this as wanting to be sexually taken by the male. In fact this phenomenon has grown at an alarming rate the world over, so that today there are, from what I can make out, literally thousands upon thousands of heterosexual men with this challenge, some of them actively submitting to it and thereby succumbing to homosexual relationships, whilst others are desperately living one lie on top of another in an attempt to suppress this desire within themselves and to keep it from being exposed.

For the lack of a better word I have named this phenomenon the "male issue." It is clearly very closely related to what I term the "crisis of the male," but being as new as it is I do not profess to understand it fully, or at least, not YET! LOL! Toltecs have never before encountered anything like this, but I have been working at trying to understand it for some time now. Hopefully if we keep working on this together you could well play your own role in helping us to understand more fully WHY so many men today are calling forth this challenge.

However, where to from here? This is NOT an easy question to answer, my friend, for as I have already stated, I myself do not fully understand this challenge. But one thing I CAN tell you for sure! Denial is NOT the answer! And neither is secrecy and living a lie the answer! Nonetheless, social conditioning and the sense of judgement and separativeness is today still so strong, that you would be a fool to disclose your real challenge to all and sundry! Therefore DISCRETION is the better part of valour here! :) But by far the most important thing to do is to STOP blaming yourself and to STOP hating yourself for having this challenge. You MUST learn to ACCEPT yourself for who and what you are, right here and right now, and NOT judge yourself upon what you THINK or BELIEVE you SHOULD be as a heterosexual male. Having this challenge does NOT make you any less heterosexual than any other heterosexual male! Above all, see this challenge as a worthy challenge, a challenge that enables you to dismantle your view of the world and to eradicate your self-image. You already feel so poorly about yourself that you may just as well discard the last few tatters of your self-image and LEARN to build a NEW RE-SPECT for yourself based upon your challenge! LOL!

What else should you be doing? You should make every effort at starting to learn the difference between true love and warmth, and the EXPRESSION of that, versus physical sex. Physical sex IS part and parcel of EXPRESSING love and warmth, but the problem facing humanity today is that the vast majority of people see love and sex as being synonymous, and this is simply NOT true! Physical sex is a SMALL part of that universal and all-pervasive force we term INTENT, but intent in itself is FAR greater than merely physical sex.

I often try to teach this, but mostly my words fall upon ears that are not YET equipped to hear them properly! I OFTEN teach that EVERY act of the male IS a SEXUAL act. I often teach that the act of perception IS in fact the act of CONCEPTION. I often teach that the splitting of the sexes is undeniably true, and yet the indwelling spirit is BOTH male AND female, and therefore there is at best the RELATIVE factor of awareness and its EXPRESSION as male and female! But mostly my words remain a mystery to most people! Nevertheless, once one begins to be able to differentiate between true INTENT versus the physical act of sex, one begins to also see that MUCH of what you and other men today are experiencing is an EXPRESSION of universal intent through the instrument which is the REAL you, namely, the indwelling spirit, towards INCLUSIVENESS or, if you prefer, AT-ONE-MENT with the spirit, the nagal of us all!

So it is imperative that you start to learn HOW to differentiate between your DESIRE for physical sex with another male, versus the REAL drive behind this challenge, namely learning to be AT-ONE with not only ALL of life, both male AND female, but most importantly, also with yourself! Practically speaking what does this really mean? It means being AT-ONE with ALL of life through your ACTIONS, physical, emotional and mental! And when I say physical I am NOT even referring to physical sex, but instead I am referring to EVERY ACT of yours which materialises into something physical, no matter whether this is building a house, or kissing your friend!

Where does this leave you in terms of your desire to be physically close to another male? Time will show you! As you LEARN the difference between EXPRESSING your inner sense of INCLUSIVENESS through your ACTIONS, so will the desire to consummate your actions through the medium of physical sex start to subside! You will in time find it FAR more rewarding and fulfilling to GIVE your EVERYTHING through your actions than to MAKE love as it were, for your WHOLE life will become an EXPRESSION of your love, and the love for YOU, of those around you! As this starts to happen you will feel less and less drawn towards wanting to SUBSTITUTE true love and warmth for physical sex!

My friend, I have set the ball rolling, but now it is up to you as to where to from here! I am here to help you resolve this, but the EFFORT and the WORK lie in YOUR hands! :)

I trust this guidance has helped you, and know too that my love surrounds you! B-:)