Hetroflexibility (the male issue), versus homosexuality from Warriors' Experience

  • Hetroflexibility (the male issue), versus homosexuality
  • Théun Mares, addressing an apprentice on the male issue
  • Homosexuality, versus the male issue (heteroflexibility)


Théun, because I have this deep desire to experience true friendship and warmth from another man, would it be wrong for me to seek out having a sexual relationship with a male in order to learn from the experience? As you know, my greatest fear in all of this is that I may be homosexual. But I feel that I really do need to know one way or another! But perhaps I have this desire because I have never really had a fully committed relationship with a woman, so therefore perhaps I should be focusing on this instead?


My friend, your question shows HOW MUCH you associate sex with true love and warmth! To be quite blunt, you are caught in a ROMANTIC notion of what male friendship entails, and to prove this to yourself you SHOULD go and get yourself f*** stupid! <g> I say this NOT to be crude, or so as to lead you up the garden path, but because I know that if you were to DO so you would very quickly come to your senses and REALISE that this is NOT what you want, and that it also does NOT make you homosexual!

The problem with how you perceive all of this lies in the fact you simply CANNOT yet separate sex from love and warmth, and therefore each time you become close to another male you invariably start to romanticize about having sex with him! But your REAL fear in having sex with a man is NOT that you might prove yourself homosexual, for you KNOW that you are not homosexual, but rather is it that deep down inside you KNOW that having sex with a man is NOT about finding true love and warmth, and therefore you will only end up being very hurt and disillusioned! So on the one hand, because of your perception, you become very excited about the prospect of finding love and warmth in a friendship with a man, but on the other hand you also FEAR being hurt! And let's face it, hurt you WILL be whilst you still associate sex with love and warmth! So as HARSH as my guidance to you may seem right now, this is EXACTLY what I am suggesting you should do, namely, go and BURN your FINGERS, my friend, and learn the HARD way, for THEN maybe you will hear me! :)

So! What is the knowledge that you NEED with respect to WHY you fantasise about having a sexual relationship with a man? Quite simply to learn the DIFFERENCE between sexual lust as opposed to true love and warmth, that is, in your case the male's love and warmth! BUT it is SO important for you to TRY to grasp at a FEELING level that it is the male's love and warmth that you seek, and NOT sex! But BECAUSE you as yet associate sex WITH love and warmth, your MIND automatically THINKS of this as having to be sex! I don't know HOW to express this ANY clearer other than to say that it is NOT SEX with a man that draws you to wanting to build a close and meaningful friendship with a man, and therefore the gap in your knowledge that you need to fill is WHAT such a friendship MEANS in terms of love and warmth!

However, the way you have been perceiving my guidance on this issue up until now is that you must either have an INTIMATE relationship with a man, or else build a committed relationship with a woman! But, my friend, WHAT has THIS got to do with what we are talking about here? An intimate relationship with a man, in YOUR perception means having sex with him! A committed relationship with a woman, in YOUR perception means having sex with her! But whilst you continue to pursue SEX, believing it to be synonymous with love and warmth, you will NEVER learn that the two are QUITE different! In your current PERCEPTION you see them as one and the same thing, but this is ONLY because of your perception!

I become quite FRANTIC at times in trying to explain THAT which CANNOT be explained, but has to be EXPERIENCED in order to be grasped! So, FAR from having encouraged you to gain knowledge in what it is to have SEX with a man, I KNOW that if you DID have sex with a man you would be RUDELY AWOKEN to the fact that there really IS a difference between getting your rocks off, as opposed to EXPRESSING genuine love and warmth! Furthermore, I can give you this guidance precisely BECAUSE you are heterosexual, and NOT homosexual!

By this I mean that IF I had told you to learn the HARD way by having a sexual relationship with a woman, being heterosexual you would have gone nowhere and you would have learned sweet blow all! In other words, you would quite simply have climbed into a woman's bed and felt right at HOME, so to speak, "made love" every night, whilst BELIEVING that in following my guidance you ARE now experiencing true love and warmth! Big deal! The only thing you would have been experiencing is sexual lust which you MISTAKE for being true love and warmth! So I certainly did NOT advise you to try to do this with a woman, for now it should be clear to you WHY I would have been out of my mind to do so! BUT, if you were to climb into bed with a man, as a heterosexual you would have a ROUGH time, for you will quickly enough come to the realise that no matter how much sex you are having with this man, it is not THAT which you so crave from the male! Yet with a woman, and as a heterosexual male, you would merely have ASSUMED that the warm, "cozy" feeling you have whilst being close to a woman IS what genuine love and warmth is supposed to be!

The only way in which I can possibly make this any clearer is to use the example of a parent with a child! Had you grown up with sitting on your father's lap, being kissed by him, and being held by him, bathing with him, being in bed with him, being dressed by him, and so on, and so on, you would have grown up NOT associating ANY of such PHYSICALNESS as meaning that your father wants to screw you! And yet, if viewed OBJECTIVELY all of such EXPRESSIONS of love and warmth ARE quite SEXUAL, and yet it is NOT sexual! If a father baths his son, or his daughter for that matter, and washes his or her genitals, it is an act of LOVE, of CARING, and NOT because the father has SEX on the brain!

BUT, BUT, BUT, if YOU, my friend, or any other average man were to encourage a woman to sit on your lap, or lie in bed with you, or kiss you, or bath with you etc., would you in all HONESTY be able to claim that you are NOT sexually MOTIVATED in doing this? It is sad, for it does not have to be this way, but unfortunately this IS where humanity's present perception is at! But it is also because of this that apprentices at first find it so incredibly DIFFICULT to be able to grasp HOW it is possible to be PHYSICAL, even SEXUAL, without being sexually MOTIVATED! It SOUNDS unbelievable to the MIND, but it happens to be true!

Lust is an animal INSTINCT that has its source within the SACRAL CENTRE and its sole purpose is PROCREATION, the reproduction of the species. True love and warmth, on the other hand, radiates from the HEART CENTRE and its purpose is INCLUSIVENESS, the fulfillment of PURPOSE. However, and please NOTE WELL, true love and warmth can ONLY be achieved once the Heart Centre is FULLY OPEN! Until then humanity can at best access and express the REFLECTION of Inclusiveness or Intent, that is, the DESIRE to procreate! Taking all of this into account, perhaps you can now begin to grasp the WISDOM in the now scorned and old-fashioned act of COURTING, the Toltec equivalent of which is to build a FRIENDSHIP before deciding IF indeed you wish to become married and thereby commit for life!

Is this beginning to make some sense to you, my friend?