Théun, you always tease me about being so nice, and I can see what you mean. Because of this I have started to look at this behaviour to try to see what you are pointing out to me. However, I am not really getting anywhere fast, perhaps because I have spent my entire lifetime trying my best to be a gentle caring person.
Once you can see your behaviour the next step is to NOT-DO it! Now don't you think that is NICE and simple? <wg>
But the PROBLEM is that NICE people like you don't believe that it is at all NICE to OWN their anger and sense of destruction, not so? :) So your normal DOING is to SUPPRESS your anger, frustration and all the THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS that go hand in hand with this in the hope that you will then not behave in a way that is not NICE! <g> The result is that you WITHDRAW like some DARK CLOUD that is about to ERUPT with thunder and lightning! But then this is not particularly NICE either, is it? And neither does it make you feel at all NICE! :( And so you start to BROOD and become MORBID and MOROSE! :( In fact quite SUICIDAL! <g> Ah! Now THERE is the answer you are looking for, not so? <wg>
You see, my friend, the TRICK in all of this is to take OWNERSHIP of the behaviour, for unless you are WILLING to OWN it IN THE MOMENT that you are INDULGING in it you will NEVER be able to change it! :) So the not-doing for you is to STOP being so very NICE by trying to suppress your anger and sense of destruction! Just OWN it when it comes up, and SAY to yourself, "Yes, right now I am hugely angry and frustrated! I can quite CHEERFULLY slit so-and-so's throat, or my own, for that matter!" <g>
The point is that ONCE you start to OWN your behaviour you cannot but help to start LOOKING at it OBJECTIVELY, and once you look at it objectively you begin to see just how very idiotic and stupid it really is!