Théun, I feel that it is my fault that my wife has become withdrawn and insensitive. I have caused her a great deal of suffering in our marriage which I dearly regret!
This is UTTER bullshit, and in the final analysis, sheer ARROGANCE! You are NOT, my friend, your wife's keeper, but an INSTRUMENT of power ENABLING her to LEARN the lessons she NEEDS to learn in this lifetime! This does NOT mean that your past actions can be CONDONED, or even EXCUSED on the grounds of this, but to ASSUME that YOU have caused your wife to close down and to become insensitive implies that you are SO IMPORTANT and SO POWERFUL that you have actually VICTIMISED her! Is this not a little over the top? :)
It is one thing to feel REMORSE because of our past actions, but to BELIEVE that we can ALTER the FATE of another human being presupposes that we are MORE powerful than that person's Dreamer! I find this a little too much too swallow! No, my friend, irrespective of WHERE your wife may or may not be coming from, she is NO VICTIM, not even YOURS!
Furthermore, having met your wife, she hardly struck me as being some long-suffering, hard-done-by doormat! Your wife is EVERY BIT as strong as you are and is most certainly NOT suffering in the TRUE sense of the word! If she was, she would have left you by now, believe me! :) So let us drop all this bullshit about suffering and being victims, shall we? Your wife is simply very adept at using "suffering" as an EXCUSE for being harsh, insensitive, self-centred and the INDEPENDENT MOTHER who wishes to USE the male only for her OWN agenda!