Théun, it has taken me a while to grasp this, but now I can see that you have been trying to get me to question my sexuality for a while now. If the truth be told I have always been too frightened to do this in the past because deep down inside I have suspected that I may be homosexual.
First of all allow me to express to you my most heartfelt admiration and respect for the COURAGE you are showing in WANTING to truly LEARN! :)
Yes, I HAVE been GENTLY trying to point out to you your bisexual tendency, but I also did NOT want you to start DOUBTING your sexuality! As I said to you before, you are FULLY heterosexual and therefore you should NOT look upon your bisexual tendency as something to be UNDULY concerned about! This is something I try to explain, mostly, in the male book, but in doing so I also did not want to make a BIG issue out of it, even in that book, for it TRULY is NOT a big issue, even though people all TOO OFTEN do want to see it as being a BIG issue because of their FEAR!
X, realize that a GREAT many heterosexual men AND women have at one point in their lives, for many DIFFERENT reasons, felt an INCLINATION towards or an ATTRACTION to another person of the same sex, and sometimes to even MORE than just one person! But such an inclination or attraction, even if it DOES result in having sexual affairs with members of the same sex, does NOT make the person concerned gay or bisexual! It is simply the RESULT of HOW the man or woman is RELATING to the world around him or her BECAUSE of his or her SELF-IMAGE at the time!
In your own case, so MUCH of your self-image, especially your EXISTING self-image, is HEAVILY influenced by what is a GENUINE love for your friend, Y! But somehow or the other, for I am not sure EXACTLY HOW, at this point in time, you started to EXPRESS this love for Y in the FORM of feeling FEMININE relative to him, and consequently started to BEHAVE in this way! I suspect that MUCH of this was quite UNCONSCIOUS and would have been brought about primarily by your shortcoming, Submission! But obviously, since deep down inside you KNOW that you are heterosexual, these feelings towards and for Y, although mostly SUPPRESSED by you, nevertheless brought about in you no small amount of confusion, and even anger towards Y! Needless to say, Y's highly demanding attitude towards life did not exactly help the situation, and in trying to meet his demanding ways as a friend you felt evermore feminine relative to him!
X, there is nothing WRONG with you, my friend! But there is also NO EASY way out of this challenge, other than for YOU to start stalking your OWN behaviour METICULOUSLY so that you yourself CAN begin to see HOW and WHY this bisexual tendency manifests within you! I can merely point you in the right direction by saying that you must START with trying to understand HOW you manifest your shortcoming, and in conjunction with this, start LOOKING at HOW you allow those closest to you, like Y, to DOMINATE you into feeling like you have to SUBMIT to the male! In this respect I can also point out to you that it was a deep but UNCONSCIOUS determination in you to NOT allow yourself to SUBMIT to being "screwed" by every Tom, Dick and Harry, that drove you towards a life underground, and that developed in you your stubborn, defiant and judgemental behavior!
Does this help, my friend?