What must I do to feel fulfilled? My life now feels so empty and meaningless. Is there any guidance you can offer me with respect to this situation? Or am I just freaking out?
Don't be in such a hurry to FIX your present DIS-COMFORT! Unfortunately for us the HU-MAN being is an inherently lazy creature who will only MOVE when he is FORCED to move! So, you see, my young friend, to BE-COME UN-COMFORT-ABLE means that you are now ABLE to explore WHY you are no longer at ease within the OLD DISPENSATION of the world you KNOW! Is this not what you wanted when you set out on the Warrior's Path?" LOL! So why the sudden worry? LOL! You must admit, we human beings ARE a funny species! We long for something, and then when we get it we all too often no longer want it! LOL!
When you have STOPPED freaking out, and when you have STOPPED fretting and have come to ACCEPT that maybe being a warrior is nothing more than a MYTH, you will also come to ACCEPT that since you can no longer go back to your old life, and since you are not likely going to become a warrior at THIS rate, you may just as well peel the potatoes as impeccably as you can, for whatever that may be worth, and that you may just as well, whilst you are about it, ACT AS IF you are a warrior! LOL! Once you CAN DO this you will be well on your way to learning the true meaning of HUMILITY, and with that humility there comes a QUIETNESS of LIFE, and a QUIET ACCEPTANCE of the PROCESS of life! B-:)
You will then know too the meaning of true PEACE, and within that PEACE, within that HUMILITY, you will one day realize that your life is UNFOLDING in the most marvelous of ways and that you are beginning to perform miracles you never dreamed you would be able to accomplish! It is then when you will realize that being a warrior is NOT a myth, but that being a warrior requires BE-COMING that myth! But you will then also come to UNDER-STAND, in the true sense of the word, that the Warrior's Path truly goes NOWHERE at all, and that all of our many EFFORTS, no matter HOW strenuous and sincere they have been, amounted to so much FOLLY - the folly of believing that we CAN become warriors within the confines of our view of the world! Then too will you UNDER-STAND that the ONLY way in which we CAN become warriors is to EMBRACE our folly for what it is, to huff and to puff, to sweat blood and tears, until finally, FINALLY we have MASTERED, note this word with CARE, for it CANNOT be taken at face value, MASTERED our folly, and in that, BE-COME the myth! This is why ACTING AS IF is far more power-full than the average man or woman is ever willing to believe! B-:)
The myth, my friend, is that the little self can become a warrior! LOL! The REALITY, X, is that the true Self IS the warrior! But to the newly recruited apprentice the true Self is a myth, a myth which in time he or she begins to look upon as being unattainable! To the little self it IS unattainable! It is only when the little self falls quiet, let's go of its attempts at CONTROL, and settles down to ACT AS IF that the true Self can gain FULL control of Its instrument upon the physical plane, the little self, and manifest within it the miraculous power of its INTENT! B-:)
This is the Law, X, but right now it is still for you merely a tale of power, for your MIND still believes what it believes! There is an extremely ancient injunction that comes to us from out of the dim distant past. Transcribed it reads: "Be still, and know that I am God." The unwitting apprentice always sees God, the nagal, as being "out there" outside of himself, and SOME-THING with which he has to become AT-ONE! But BE STILL, my friend, and you will find that God, the nagal, is WITHIN!