I have become aware of how much I dislike myself, and of how angry this makes me. I can see this stems from feeling like a victim and also from always playing at being Mr. Nice Guy. But now where do I go to with this realisation? I am also wondering if perhaps it has something to do with trying to sort out my marriage?
Have you asked yourself WHY you don't like your BEHAVIOR? :) Don't say "yourself," X, for it is NOT true! But rather speak about your behaviour.
You are correct in what you have noticed in yourself concerning the victim and about playing nice, but there is more. In spite of everything you have accomplished in your life you still feel there is something missing, don't you? You still feel UNWORTHY of life in some way because of that missing something. And it is this sense of unworthiness that makes you feel less than, and hence like a victim, and because you feel less than you become angry, angry at yourself, angry at others and angry at the world around you. The anger is, of course, merely the DESIRE to fight for the CLARITY you need in order to find that missing something in you. :) So if you can remember this at all times you will find that instead of using your anger AGAINST yourself and others, you will instead start using it to search your inner beingness for that missing something. What is that missing something? I can tell you, but until you find this for yourself in terms of HOW it manifests for YOU personally, it will not mean too much to you. That missing something in you is the ABILITY to see your OWN true value within life! You are still searching for your value out there, instead of WITHIN yourself. Consequently, deep down inside, irrespective of your successes within life, you still "feel" you have no real value!
Your entire relationship with your wife is a REFLECTION of how you "feel" about yourself. If you are going to take steps, ANY step, with the GOAL of SORTING OUT your relationship with your wife, you will merely end up fighting yourself, fighting your wife and fighting everyone around you! But if you go about sorting out your relationship with your wife with the VIEW of finding your OWN value within this relationship, then you WILL find a solution that will be a win-win for both you and your wife. But remember that the REAL value lies WITHIN, and NOT in how kind, or how magnanimous, or how ruthless or how whatever else you are! Kindness, warmth, ruthlessness, love etc., are ALL but outer EXPRESSIONS of the inner QUALITIES that stem from KNOWING one's own intrinsic VALUE as a unit of the One Life! A great MANY people like to PRETEND that they are kind, or warm, or ruthless or whatever, but such acts are not TRUE acts, but simply acquired behaviours. A true ACT comes from within, from the heart, and is done without any form of PREMEDITATED gain.
I trust this guidance will be useful to you.