I am not proud of this, but I used to take pleasure out of trying to humiliate my sexual partners. Was I trying to bring them down to my level, so to speak? I don't understand why I used to do this.
You must realise that the sexual act is THE most intimate act we can ever perform with another person and, as such, it is also the most SENSITIVE of subjects! It takes only one INSENSITIVE word or action from one to make one's sexual partner feel absolutely TERRIBLE about him or herself, and vice versa! But how does one define INSENSITIVITY? Toltecs define insensitivity as IGNORING another person's state of beingness in the moment of interaction. This implies that true sensitivity means a WILLINGNESS from BOTH partners to CO-OPERATE INTELLIGENTLY with one another in EXPRESSING their love for one another, in spite of the differences in states of beingness in the moment. In this respect far MORE abuse is heaped upon sexual partners than most people commonly believe, for the simple reason that OFTEN when two people engage in the sexual act there is no REAL intelligent co-operation between them, with the result that either one or the other of them suffer a very deep sense of hurt or else a sense of humiliation!
In your own case you have a very macho approach towards sex as a typical socially conditioned man, and by this I don't just mean the sexual act per se, but also the broader meaning of sex. In other words, unless you can be "on top," doing it TO the other person, you feel less than that person! Likewise, the only time you are WILLING to be "less than" is when you PRETEND to be respectful, like "lying on your back" and "allowing" it to be done TO you! Needless to say, you only ever "allow" this when it is still YOU that is getting your rocks off, in one way or another! :) So whether you are "on top" GIVING "it" TO the other person, or "lying on your back" GIVING "it" TO the other person, it is still YOU that is "better than!"
I am sure by now you can see that it is NOT so much the sexual act, whatever FORM it may take, that is the humiliating factor, but instead it is the being "better than" that is so very humiliating!