I would first of all like to express my deep gratitude to you and your apprentices for making this site and the books available to us. It is truly an amazing facility and I've been here for just over a month now, and in learning to use the facility I am seeing what a useful tool it has become in my life.
Secondly, with reference to the document (communique) of all the guidance given, I was very surprised and pleased to see and feel for the first time in my life that there are others out there who go through similar challenges and experiences as myself. Two stood out in particular, one being the feeling that whenever I perceive beauty, or 'innocence' in the world around me, such as watching the sun rise, listening to a beautiful piece of music, or any one of the myriads of beautiful things this earth and this life has to offer, it is always accompanied by a very deep sense of sadness, almost painful. I used to think there was something wrong with me until I read some of the other members experiences. and my feeling now is that the sadness is from the realization that these moments never repeat themselves. The other is the feeling of aloneness. It seems that no matter where I am, or who I am with, even in a crowd of people, I have this sense of being alone. I have no idea why, or what it means, it used to disturb me, and I realized through the Teachings that this was merely self pity. It was also comforting to see that there are others working with the same challenge. I have found that in my striving for impeccability and inclusiveness, has helped a lot with my perception of this feeling, giving me a sense of connection to the world around me that I never had before. So thank you to those who shared (and responded), :) its good to feel we are all in this together even though I have not met you.
Now for my questions.
Firstly, with regards to the political situation in South Africa, I am getting more and more concerned about the way things are going here, J.Z who is most likely our next president, I found out will not be prosecuted for the 700+ charges against him. I don't feel that I understand the situation fully but am I wrong in feeling a bit concerned about where the country, and the world for that matter is going? I know that I need to look for these things inside my self, and do my impeccable best to realize and fulfill my purpose and do my part. Am I wrong in being concerned though?
Secondly, at the moment I am facing a challenge in my relationship with my partner, with regards to intimacy. Everything in our relationship seems to be running smoothly, we communicate, and both make an effort to co-operate intelligently, some times better than others. The issue is with sex; we both seem to have lost interest, and we are not very intimate with each other. I don't feel too concerned about it because I feel content with her and our relationship, but she keeps telling me that she thinks it is a problem, and that its not normal for couples not to feel like sex with each other. Is she just adhering to a social conditioning of what couples 'should' be like? Or is my lack of need for sex the problem? The way I feel about sex is, that I enjoy her company more than I enjoy having sex with her. I don't feel I have any negative ideas towards sex. Physically even my sex drive is fine and I appreciate the beauty of a woman's body. I've looked at it from the perspective of our sex life being a reflection of the rest of our relationship, and I cant see anything there, Ive looked at it from the perspective of her representing the greater female 'out there' and still have no answers other than I can behave like a very self centered little boy, which my partner is not scared to point out to me. What I do know is that one of my biggest shortcomings is a lack of self worth and I can see that this may be the source of the problem, but even though I am working with that the situation doesn't change. Sex just doesn't really interest me with anyone. Am I on the right track with my observations?
Your guidance is most appreciated :)
I am pleased to hear that you find the teaching facility to be useful to you. :)
The feeling of aloneness which you experience is very common for someone who is starting to search very deeply. That deep inner searching always creates within oneself a feeling of utter loneliness, and this persists until such time as that one begins to make friends with oneself. :) People are so used to placing the power outside of themselves that they never get to know themselves until they start with inner searching. Your sense of loneliness will dissipate once you start to enjoy your OWN company. :)
You ask whether you should be concerned about the political situation in South Africa, and I say, yes, you should be. I am not saying this to alarm you further, but your question was an honest question and I am giving you an honest answer. I myself could never have believed that the ANC would or could go so wrong, but they have! Greed and the lust for having power over has once again worked its evil magic, and South Africa is now well on its way into going the same way as Zimbabwe. The fall came exceedingly quickly. Within the short space of just a little over a year, South Africa has gone from being a wonderful country with a bright and glorious potential, to fast becoming a police state run by despots. Having said all this I should also point out that I can see that life in South Africa will still go on more or less as before for at least a few more years, mainly because South Africa is so far away from the amassed and focused activities of the Old Sorcerers. But disaster will come eventually. So if you would like my guidance on this I say, relax for now, for disaster is not likely to come overnight, but by the same token, waste no time in making plans for a life elsewhere. In a few years from now South Africa will have become much the same as Zimbabwe.
You also ask about your lack of interest in the sexual act. This too is very normal for someone who is starting to search inwardly. Once we start to search inwardly ALL our attention turns from having been focused on that which is OUTSIDE of us to that which is WITHIN us. As such everything "out there" that used to appeal to us, including the sexual act, starts to lose its attraction as we turn more and more within. So from this perspective I do not believe you have any real challenge with sex as such. However, where I DO see that you have a challenge is in your relationship. What I am sensing is that although YOU are happy within your relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if your partner has become bored with you and with the relationship. Please forgive me for being so straight forward, but this is what I sense.
So I would suggest that you and your partner sit down and have a heart to heart discussion about this. And I must warn you, that once you raise this subject you must not be surprised if your partner at first hotly denies that she has lost interest in the relationship. But what I am sensing is that your partner is under the misguided perception that it is YOU who has the problem! LOL! So I would say that she secretly longs for a relationship which is also very active sexually, but because she has lost interest in you sexually, she does not want to hurt your feelings by saying honestly what she feels and would like from a relationship.
I trust this guidance will be of service to you.
With warm regards,