Theun, I have difficulties with English which I never learned.I spend few years in London, when I went there I knew only"hello"and living with fellow-countrymen, did not manage to learn much. Now I use English only when I write to friends and here in Legacy. I can not spell the words;my store of English words is very poor. I spend hours of hard working to find the properly word and now to write it. Even for me my letters, written in English, look very dry, full with phrases, childish and too long. But I enjoy writing and I am happy seeing I become better.
Theun,thank you very much for your guidance and for whetting my attention on some parts of my behavior. I need to explore them part by part.
About my fantasy. What is the difference between the fantasy and imagination?
Many years I accepted the situations in my life stacked in my only point of view and when the situation changed I was surprised and many times deeply hurt. When I started reading your books I found the words "The world is not what appears to be". That is one of most powerful and useful thing I ever heard. I use it every day in every new for me situation. My imagination helps me to see, to "translate" the situation in so many ways. And I know that is only part of all ways. And it is depend of me which one I will chose, knowing that the responsibility is only mine.
The part of your answer about the climbing the cliff astonished me. I feel that you chose this example not by chance. Or it comes from my fantasy? But immediately I was turned in the days before I found your books (02.2004). I had three dreams one after another.
I am tourist with big camera on my neck. I am at unknown for me place, in some building as a hotel, I pass the restaurant and go on the terrace. From there I see very high cliff - brown-yellow color, as frustum of a cone, without trees, plants and grass, only steep rocks. I can not see the top. On the right side of the cliff flows high-water river, quiet,with very blue water, which makes supple turn in left and goes behind the cliff. In the river I see something as raft which flows downstream. On it are 5-6 people, standing on their feet, looking ahead. I wand to climb the cliff, but it looks impossible. At this moment I see a white dressed woman near to the top. I say to myself, "If she can, I can too". After I see the sky-saturated blue and as a mirror. On this mirror I can see everything down - the river with people, the cliff, but the top too. It is as a circle with very green grass and white dressed people sitting again in a circle, eating something.
I am at one open area, next to a natural path (not hand made). From my right side I see an army which passes along me and is structured in three parts. The first one is from about 10 people. They are the commanders and move on small but very powerful vehicles. They are very serious, looking only ahead. I know they direct the army, change the direction, can transform the vehicles only by the power oh their thought. The second part is bigger and is from riders with dark horses. The third part is biggest one, from foot soldiers. They pass and I see at the end of the army, the last soldier I am. I am with long dark hair in plait, my dress is yellow-red-orange, some very strange color.
I am walking in quiet night,the sky is clear,with many stars. I notice one of them start to blink. I know it is my star. I stop and watch it. The star grows and become as a full moon. On it appears a beautiful face of young woman. I lightly wave my right hand for greeting. She smiles me. I say to myself, "Yes,I am truly woman". Bellow I see the tops of conifer trees. In front of them is unicorn. But the unicorn is not a horse, but deer, and his horn is not as the form of unicorn's but as new moon.(Still I do not know the meaning of this symbol).
Two days after the dreams I found "Return of the Warriors". When I read in one of the first pages you describe the Warrior's Path as climbing a cliff I jumped excited from the chair - I knew I found my way.
One month letter I had another dream. One egg was with two yolks. They fused at one and I heard a voice, "Now the Love can be manifested!".
I do not practice meditation, sometimes I like to sit still, quiet without thoughts. One day sitting in this way, I saw with my inner vision yellow rose which grows in my chest. I understood the real meaning of this symbol about two years after, when I found your books. But then I was confused. For me that was the symbol of death and hatred.
I use my dreams (passive and active) to guide me and they never lie me. From the bottom of my heart I know I am on my path here. I am thankful that you are, and for all my challenges because through them I am here, next to you, Family and Friends. And my only will is to live the Path impeccably.
Please, tell me where I loose the reality in my dreaming? And how to use my dreaming in more practical and effective way?
First of all, can I please ask that you do NOT write such long emails, unless you really have to. I do not have the time to read such long-winded emails. For example, do NOT send me all your dreams, unless there is a dream with which you need help. Use your journal for recording your dreams. Furthermore, try to be brief and concise in asking for guidance. Work economically with time, and do not waste it. Secondly, although your typing is now much better, can you please insert spaces after every comma and full stop, otherwise it makes reading your emails very difficult, and I have to correct all your emails before I can post them into the database.
You ask what is the difference between fantasy and imagination. Imagination is the picture-forming ability of the mind, which we use to create a picture of what it is we are thinking about. Of course, we can build ANY picture we want to with the imagination, but the warrior only uses his or her imagination in working with the task at hand. Fantasy, is quite literally what the word tells us it is, making mental pictures of things or events that have got nothing at all to do with the task at hand. Imagination is a very powerful tool which the warrior uses PRACTICALLY, whereas fantasy is a form of ESCAPISM that is set up by INTERNAL DIALOGUE. Therefore no warrior will ever indulge in fantasy, for to do so is an escapism into a form of internal dialogue - an utter waste of time.
You also ask where you lose touch with the reality in your dreaming. I take this to mean that you are not referring to your dreams as such, but to day dreams and fantasy. Dreams are an alternate reality, and therefore having nothing to do with fantasy. Dreams are of the left-side - fantasy is a form of internal dialogue that stems form the right side. To believe that fantasy is dreaming is to be very mistaken. Fantasy is NOT dreaming, and neither is it a reality. So when I said you get lost in fantasy, I mean that you INDULGE too much in the GLAMOUR of an IMAGINED life. See your life OBJECTIVELY for what it TRULY is, and drop all this bullshit about only wanting to see your life HOW you WANT to see it!
To be ruthlessly HONEST with ourselves is NOT easy to do, because until we learn to look at ourselves and our lives OBJECTIVELY, and learn to call a spade a shovel, we only ever want to see ourselves as being very nice and cute little angels that are doing great things whilst living in an idyllic world. But this is MOST of the time VERY far from the reality, the truth! You only have to look at your own emails to see what I mean. In your perception of yourself you have all these wonderful dreams about which you then FANTASISE unltil you see yourself as already being a true female and a great warrior, and in short that you have arrived! But in order not too sound quite as arrogant as you are, you then cover up your self-importance with a false sense of humility. LOL! Really, my friend, I am far too old and experienced to be fooled by your games.
Now! Do you want to play games, in which case I am going to IGNORE you from now on? Or do you want to become REAL and buckle down to some HARD work and some HUMBLE work, like peeling the potatoes impeccably, in which case I will GLADY continue to give you guidance?
With warm regards,