Théun and all, I am certain I am not the only person who had a difficult early life. And I am learning so much about it now. Oh boy, did I really choose a difficult birth family? Did I make it up? Impossible. But they did teach me all about love. They were my mother and her brother; they had each other. They had unconditional love from each other and she indulged him by allowing him to separate and manipulate her children. He hated me. I have to accept that I will never know why? I developed strength and power from the situation and escaped as soon as I could. Shame now that they are both long gone and I can't tell them any of this. But I voted with my feet, never returned and never had the words to tell them at that age.
As usual, Théun, you are correct! I have moved away from that younger reincarnation but it makes me walk slower and more cautiously forward. I long for the day when I can just forget it and move more freely. I do love and I am lovable and I know that I deserve to be treated well. But it is true I am surprised when people are nice to me! I have compassion and deserve a different fate than the majority of my siblings. That is my "why me?" in the sense of not why I suffered neglect and abuse, but how I survived it! And why my siblings could not. The literal truth in my case is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Anyway, I will eventually recapitulate the last remnants of this. I am sure all this reliving is turning me into an emotional wreck. LOL!
My fate was to survive because I had my good self and other influences and help from all the loving people I met and still meet along the way. Also I played out and ran away as much as possible and didn't draw attention to myself.
Your dog Jessy is me! Just nervy that is all, a reflex action. Hopefully eventually it will stop.
Hubby one and I once saved a dog that had cruelly been chained to a chair. Her owner didn't mean to be cruel, he was just too infirm to look after her properly. As a consequence when we first took her out her nails were too long to walk properly. The hard tarmac soon buffed them up. She always kept a sweet nature appreciating her freedom, having an eagerness to learn everything new around her. She forgot her past. Which is a good thing is it not? Erasing personal history?
I will see you soon
:) Thank you for sharing. As always I find your lovely openness of spirit, and your unwavering love of and for all of life, most uplifting.
I must, however, tease you about being surprised when people are nice to you. <wg> I promise that when you come to the Temple of Peace none of us will be TOO nice to you just in case you decide to take to the hills! LOL!
You have survived, my friend, AND you were toughened up throughout your life because you still have MUCH work to do in this lifetime. <g> So be CARE-FULL before you start tempting fate with words such as "why me?" LOL! You may well still live to regret ever having uttered those words! Believe me, for I know from experience. <w> Nowadays I take GREAT care in what I THINK, let alone in what I say! LAMOF!
With my warmest regards,