Stalking, examples of from Warriors' Experience


  • Stalking, examples of

Question:

Théun and All, firstly I want to say to everyone WOW! I feel my heart and am humbled by how beautiful and amazing You All are for me. The tears are streaming, like Life reaching in and caressing my heart through You All! Every question asked, all stories told, all guidance given, impacts me and inspires me beyond anything I could possibly say. MY LOVE to you ALL! ( I am going to have to get a splash guard for my computer so the snot and tears do not short the thing out. LOL!)

I want to share and ask for guidance.

I have been practicing active dreaming for six years now and to the best of my recollection have not missed a day. Six months ago I felt the need to change this practice to twice a day, upon waking and before bed.

I share this for some background, and to acknowledge my efforts here among friends.
I have followed all the steps from the beginning; set up, get familiar with the Yellow Rose of Friendship, let the dreaming colour appear, then onto the declaration over the period of four years. Once I got to the declaration I felt the need to go back. So then I went back to the colour, and now back to the Yellow Rose for perhaps a year or more now. This is not a set back for me - it is learning. Like this corresponds to my outer life, not that I did not learn but I somehow lost the heart in the things I learned as I built upon them (like I tried to imitate what worked yesterday but to do so is to try to make it some formula, or to make a dynamic process static). Then I have to go through the same part of the spiral again to strengthen those foundations and gather more to take my next step.

I have many different types of experiences. I would like to share some. At times I will see a scene in front of me, for example my eyes are closed and I can look around the room I am in, and sometimes it will be some other place but I can move there like moving forward in the scene down a road. These scenes have so far always been dark and at night so I am unable to tell if they are monochrome. I would say they seem to have a blue tone to them. I have not had any of these type for a while but they used to be quite frequent, and I had to be careful not to latch onto them. I did not know what they were, and where I could not be sure if they were colour I did not want to get obsessed with them in case they were ghost dreaming, and besides, I could not come to any feeling from them except a type of being impressed with myself. LOL! So I suspect they are another variation of ghost dreaming.
Another thing that happens is I experience impacts from different frequencies, sometimes of 1-2 cycles per second, some more like 10 cycles, and a couple of times many many cycles per second. Generally I experience these bodily, some are barely perceptible and others very intense, but a while ago I experienced the frequency with a visual impact. After that I was left with the nagging feeling that these frequencies are impacting me at all times but I am simply not aware of it. Kind of like when something is on the tip of your tongue but you cannot say it - feeling.

Also I get loud noises or my name called like someone or something trying to get my attention, as if I am asleep and then someone is trying to wake me up. Or like I am trying to pay attention but my eyes are so heavy I keep dosing off, and when I try to wake up I go past them and thereby miss them.

I used to "picture" the Yellow Rose of Friendship, but that became a formula after a while. Then I believe I experienced The Yellow Rose of Friendship, this happened after I went back, in the sense of not "wanting to get" beyond this step. Since that time what I find is focus, distraction, refocus, distraction, etc. I seem to be stuck in trying to use my old formula here. I want to feel not picture, and I have on occasion, and it seems I am also getting hooked on a certain feeling too and try to reproduce it instead flowing with the journey.

There are, mixed in amongst this struggle, impacts of various types. Two recent ones since joining Toltec Legacy; walking along an earth path that is in an area that is both forest and open, all is green I am walking in a definite direction forward, and my name is called from my left. Once my name is called it arrests everything, like I come back to regular awareness. I felt good about this both because it happened, LOL, and because I felt good on that path. It is day time and well lit I cannot see the sun directly but it does feel like a beautiful day.

Then a week or so later I am in the "focus then distraction mode" with the Yellow Rose and it seems I asked a direct question for I was questioning what was going on that the Yellow Rose of Friendship was so elusive. The vision was one of me facing a Yellow Rose on a road. The road is in a beautiful vast green open area I have surrounding me and the Rose, and I say surrounding rather than scattered around me on purpose, though it is close to scattered. Many pieces of furniture. All of the furniture has a feel to it, they all seem to be, and I am reluctant to say it, LOL, chests of drawers, very sturdy clean deep brown high quality pieces not like shitty Ikea furniture but hand crafted, like they in themselves are powerful and one could not help but admire and respect them. They are also aged but well cared for. As I sit here writing this and focus on them I feel my heart, they have an inherent beauty, and that is on the outside. I do not know the contents of them, yet, if any. They are all in there proper orientation meaning not turned on their sides, though the order does not seem correct, like they are in the correct positions for where I currently am, but I need them in different positions. It feels like they need to be behind me, like they support but here in front with me I have to take them in as well as the Yellow Rose in front of me, whereas if they were in support of me then I could focus my intent more directly. Again I am facing a definite direction here but I do not know what the direction is, yet. The open space is also very clean, spacious and fresh green, the path seems black like pavement. The quality or impression of the furniture stands out more than the Rose.

How all of this translates into my day to day life is; upon joining Toltec Legacy I somehow tapped into the same thing that I somehow managed in the past concerning my active dreaming, and now concerning my recapping. Meaning it does not matter how tired I am or how busy or how up or down or who's around or what, I do it. Lots of "slinking out the back door" with my recapping in the past. LAMOF. Not only that but the real journey is calling and it is not the known I am used to. I need and want to arrange the items of my tonal with a conscious focused intent for this. Recapping is crucial, for without it my rational mind will just keep spinning all of the old up, taking away from my ability to focus on reality and rightfully so! Like the events of the past effect, in a major way, my groundedness or ability to be effective now, for there is still much of my personal power invested in them, like I need to go back and get it, so I am not awake enough to apprehend what is in front of me, without that power that is " back there". It is happening now that I am at times apprehending but I need this in a sustained manner. I am at a point where I cannot afford to learn at my leisure anymore. My mirrors around me show me this is not possible. You, Théun and your unit, and whomever else behind the scenes I am not aware of, working to the bone, and me sitting here learning at my leisure? I know this is long. I wanted to give as clear a picture as I could, and I did not want to sell myself or anyone else short. I am not asking for guidance concerning all that I shared. I feel I am on the right track. I am asking in the sense of no time to waste; is there any way you could give me a shove or point something out here that I am not grasping in the way I am proceeding. In other words, stalk the shit out of me, which I know you are going to do anyway. LOL!

My friend, I do not want to use you up :( . I want to touch lightly. I know I do not yet know enough and in this take more. I pray that I may learn quickly so that I may give more. Thank you for all you so willingly give.

Answer:

LOL! Has anyone ever told you that you must be one of the most heartfelt men one can ever hope to meet? :) I still remember with a big lump in the throat our last night together in Montserrat. Just about everyone from the retreat had squeezed into the smoking room after dinner to be together one last time. It was the last retreat, and a very big and difficult chapter of my life was coming to an end. We were all trying not to dwell upon the great melancholy we all felt. One of my best friends of many years, and one who had been my most staunch support through many a battle, was sitting next to me like he had done at every retreat, and I was filled with an unbearable sorrow, for I had seen, and therefore knew that his eventual betrayal of me was inevitable. I saw it in his eyes. Little did I know on that night that it would come so soon after the last retreat. But I knew, just as I knew he did whenever I looked into his eyes, that was to be the last time we would see each other. And I was already so desperately ill that I had no idea how I was going to survive the long trip back to South Africa the following day. But you, my loving Courier to the West, together with the other Courier to the West, one in each opposite corner of the room, had us all singing songs of joy all evening. The hotel staff kept trying to shut us up, but we sang and sang until people started to pull open the windows to hear us better, and they were dancing on the pavement outside! And then when we all sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," I felt as if my heart was going to break. That was quite THE most poignant night of my life! :)

You are doing very well indeed, my friend, and you are learning much, and rapidly too, and this is good, VERY good. :) However, I have one small request. Please send emails that are IMPECCABLY typed, for in order to maintain the QUALITY of the database, I have had to spend a LONG time correcting just your untidy typing alone, and I have not even TRIED to correct your English. LOL! You put brackets where they do not belong, and spaces between your commas that make for VERY confusing reading. You use hardly any full-stops, meaning that your sentences are too long and run one into the other, again causing much confusion that necessitates re-reading and re-reading - a waste of precious time. Think of each email you write, as possibly being your LAST email in this lifetime. How would you like people to respond to it? With confusion? Or by grasping your very heartfelt message? :) It is NEVER the big things that trip us up, my friend, but instead it is the SMALL, apparently INSIGNIFICANT little things that make us stumble, fall, and drag others with us as we fall. RE-MEMBER this always. :)

Was that enough stalking for now? LOL! You will learn MUCH about what you are being shown in your active dreaming if you start by stalking your emails, and then stalking your every action, physical, emotional and mental. :) And then, let us again "sing" until the whole goddamned world is on its feet "dancing!" LOL!

With all my love and all my heart,
Big Hug,
Your nagal and friend,
Théun