Self-respect, importance of from Warriors' Experience


  • Self-respect, importance of
  • Male, the, nature of

Question:

Théun, thank you for your story and your guidance. I have been working with what you told me and feel that I making progress. Last night I dreamed that I was in a classroom, squishing bugs with my foot; a few little ones avoided death by hiding in the treads of my sole, but I got a big one! I feel that this could be an affirmation that I am being successful in grinding out the clarity within my experience with my mother.

I see that I treat myself in the same way that my mother treated me. I hate myself because I am unable to meet my unrealistic expectations of what it is to be a male.

I see that these unrealistic expectations have caused me much hassle in a hundred different ways, including working to sabotage my belief in myself as a true male.

It seems that I need to undo these unrealistic expectations, and define impeccability for myself (something I have been unclear about in the past).

One of the biggest reversals thus far is in concern to the true meaning of being a provider. I see now that, although the basics must be provided, the most important thing that a male provides is knowledge, direction, warmth, inspiration and creativity. I am actually able to do this! I see that I am unable to provide mansions and luxury cars because I place a very small value in these things. If that is what a female wants, lol, then she better find a man who is incredibly concerned about maintaining a high level of self-importance! I am a male, but I have rejected that to some degree, because it does feel like this is because of what I have been taught that it should look like. I must learn to respect, trust and believe in my knowledge, because this is my true value as a male. I feel like self-doubt is the problem, I always feel like I might be doing everything really wrong, probably a result of constant criticism from both parents as a child (and adult). I find it hard to initiate being "outgoing" because I am unsure how it will be taken.

I also see that I will never feel like a true male as long as I identify with my body and my mind. I am awareness. I will continue with my recapitulation.
Oh, and my knowledge of my father wasn't brief, in that, even though my parents divorced, I went back and forth between their homes every couple of days. My father did go back to university and get a regular job, but he was extremely passive in his role as a father. He drinks at all times he is not working, plays helpless, and blames the world for everything (and my mother). We do have a pretty close "buddy buddy" relationship, but he certainly acts like a weak male and wasn't the model father. My parents hated each other and tried to convince me that the other one didn't love me and was a loser. I would wonder who was right, but now I see both had a good point!

So, with this request I am just checking in with my progress, to see if I am heading in the right direction. I AM standing next to you Théun, on the battlefield, holding my sword, but still unsure about how to use it without cutting myself to bits! Thank you.

Answer:

LOL! It is good to see how much you have already settled into yourself, and this also shows that you are FAR more capable than you believe yourself to be. :)

You are indeed on the right track with everything you are learning about yourself. Good! :) But now! Why are you so quick to JUDGE mansions and fancy cars as being self-important? I agree with you that such a splashing out is generally a sign of self-importance, but do NOT make the mistake of pulling everyone through the same comb! Some people genuinely NEED to EXPRESS themselves through what may be termed the EXTRAVAGANCE of life upon the physical plane. So let us not judge, okay? :) If mansions and cars are not for you, then this is fine, but remember that this implies that you must also look VERY deeply at your own view of the world (house) and your own awareness (car). I hope you don't live in squalor, and that you don't drive a broken down old jalopy! RATF LMAO!

You are quite right about your perception of the true male. The true male is first and foremost a creature of the heart, and because of that he is also a pillar of strength and comfort to all around him. Sure, he puts food on the table! But then he also takes CARE in WHAT the table looks like, and HOW it is laid, for THIS is a reflection of the TRUE nourishment he provides, of which the food is but one part. :) In a nutshell, the true male is the embodiment of self-respect, for is this not really RE-SPECT for the spirit? :)

With warm regards,
A fellow male,
Théun

P.S. You will NEVER learn to use that sword of yours, unless you START to use it! LOL! The ONLY way in which to learn to play tennis, is NOT to just stand there with the racket in your hand, but to TRY to hit the ball! If then, you end up hitting yourself instead, well........that is all part of your learning! LOL! So start off by at least trying to wave your sword around a little! You may even surprise yourself by frightening a few people into joining Toltec Legacy! <wg>