Acting, as if, explained from Warriors' Experience


  • Acting, as if, explained
  • Not-doing

Question:

Théun and all, I have been feeling a bit low since I returned here. Tearful but I fight it. I have finished with my temper tantrum e.g. driving around like an arsehole and swearing at other motorists. And I am trying to analyse my everyday in terms of impeccability, not doing and acting as if.
My biggest not doing is that I feel as if my everyday persona is a farce. I am not really my lifestyle and me and my responsibility is not me. So I am acting as if I am in control of this little imaginary world and I have got back into just bearing with it, constantly finding ways of improving it and doing my impeccable best to keep up this charade. The charade being my everyday life and persona.

I feel as if I have some confidence and a lot of strength in applying my new knowledge but at some point the mirror will crack and I will no longer be able to keep up with appearances, e.g. my job and other responsibilities.

So in whatever I do I do my best and burn up energy going over and above. For example, I did all the research, updating my knowledge and preparation that I needed to do this week so that I can run a good teaching session on Monday and Tuesday. I went round to my colleague's house to drop off the paperwork and explain to him exactly how we were going to work together. I was nice to him, because I know he has his limitations; he has recently been off work with stress, even though as a typical male manipulative worker he left all the work for me to do on a joint project. We are teaching a group how they can teach others about working with diversity.

I have left no stone unturned but there may be stones that I don't know about yet.

Yes, it is true my heart is not always into my everyday life. It is a separate reality but I have to do the best I can in all I do.

I am confused between not doing and acting as if. Considering, I feel as if I have written a lot of muddled stuff here. Is there anyway you can help me answer this?

Answer:

:) My dear friend, but YOU have answered your own most pressing question, no? Your life, as it is now holds no meaning for you, let alone heart! So does this not then mean that your old life is drawing to a finality? I tried to tell you this when you were at the Temple, but you THOUGHT I was just stalking you! LOL!

What is the difference between Acting As If and Not-Doing? There is essentially no difference. Not-Doing is to not do your normal doings, physical, emotional and mental. Acting As If is the conscious and willful changing of your normal doings. But in essence the two expressions are synonymous. We simply use the two different expressions to get across the NUANCES of true ACTION. In other words, people become DEAF, LOL, to the SAME expression being used over and over. So it helps to change the terminology whenever we can see that the other person is becoming deaf, and therefore re-enacting his or her folly mechanically! LOL!

With all my love to a silly but quite adorable old bat! <ww>
Théun