Behaviour, changing, requirements for from Warriors' Experience


  • Behaviour, changing, requirements for

Question:

Theun, thank you for the help in interpreting my dream. Your mention of my old self-image of being a macho male really baffled me at first as I never perceived myself as a macho. Quite an opposite in fact, LOL! But then after some thinking and discussing it with my wife, I realized that I indeed tried to portray the macho image. In my younger years I was often drinking with friends more than I could stand, smoking (when someone was around - as I never really liked to smoke), pumping muscles in a gym, driving race car, etc., as I thought these things made me more male in the eyes of others. I could not yet find a single incident that fueled the need to portray the macho image. But the social environment I grew in definitely encouraged such behavior, although, I must admit, it did not help me a bit to receive more females' attention I so much wanted :)

You also mentioned that my dream indicates the need of reconciling my old view of the world with the new one and you said I know what my old view of the world is. Since my dream also indicated the need to eradicate separativness, I decided to make a list of things with separative (or otherwise unsightly) qualities that constitute my old view of the world. I thought of limiting it to ten items, but my wife was quick to point out more. LOL!

The list is below (not in any particular order):

  1. People in general and friends in particular are not to be trusted.
  2. I am always right and do not make mistakes. Because of that, I can judge and punish others according to my rules.
  3. I am insensitive to my wife's state of being.
  4. I am shy. I do not openly express my feelings.
  5. I try to avoid confrontation. I have no courage to stand for my rights.
  6. I need to justify my actions and seek approval from others. When no one is around, I imagine talking to an "understanding" person.
  7. I am smart and as such superior to other people. I like to laugh at people's folly behind their backs.
  8. I should portray macho image to be more male and receive female's attention.
  9. I am a "good boy" and do not speak foul language.
  10. I hate children.
  11. I have to plan for every possible outcome and make things perfect.
  12. I get angry when someone points to my weaknesses.
  13. I succumb to self-pity. 14. I tend to manipulate others for my benefit.
  14. If I can slip through the cracks and avoid the challenge - I will.

Obviously these are the things I wish to get rid of as I was hauling that "luggage" for way too long. But if I understand the teachings correctly, nothing can be removed from the island of tonal and must be transformed into something useful. Do you have any particular recommendations on how it is best to proceed?

I so far recapitulated that my mistrust in people stems from the moment my apartment was burglarized some fifteen years ago. Nothing was found or any one convicted, but the police investigator suspected that my drinking buddies, who often stayed there, had a relation to that incident in one way or another. I, at first, did not want to accept such possibility, but now see how slowly but surely, under the pressure of my relatives, I was conditioned into accepting it and taking for a fact. I ceased contacts with these guys that, by itself, was not such a bad thing. But I also started to avoid contacts with other friends that fueled the sense of superiority and eventually led to separativness. What should I do to reconcile that part of my old view of the world with the new one? Your advise is truly appreciated.

Answer:

LOL! My friend, your email had me in stitches of laughter! <g> At least ONE good thing in your favour is that you are somewhat honest with yourself. I say somewhat because there is also much which you have NOT said! <g> What about your good qualities? Or are you ONLY bad? <wg>

Your long list is FULL of cntradictions. For example, points 2 and 7 are in direct contradiction to points 5 and 6. So this is a good place for you to start in learning more about your TRUE behaviour. ONLY once you are CLEAR on your behaviour can you start to transform that behaviour into something USE-FULL. But as I have already pointed out, your list as it stands now is full of contradictions, which tells me that you have a great MANY ASSUMPTIONS concerning your behaviour, rather than sobriety.

You ask what you should do about your old view of the world? LOL! How should I know? It is YOUR old view of the world, not mine! LOL! But if I were you I would be looking at WHY I am still holding onto what is CLEARLY an OLD view of the world, and which is now in conflict with my NEW view of the world? Then I would ask myself HOW my so-called NEW view of the world is any better than the OLD view? LOL!

With much warmth and laughter,
Théun