Self, totality of the, achieving the from Warriors' Experience

  • Self, totality of the, achieving the
  • Christianity, esoteric


"Full Moon and Little Frieda"
By Ted Hughes

A cool small evening shrunk to a dog bark and the clank of a bucket
And you listening.
A spider's web, tense for the dew's touch.
A pail lifted, still and brimming mirror
To tempt a first star to a tremor.

Cows are going home in the lane there, looping the hedges with their warm wreaths of breath
A dark river of blood, many boulders,
Balancing unspilled milk.

"Moon!" you cry suddenly, "Moon! Moon!"

The moon has stepped back like an artist gazing amazed at a work
That points at him amazed.

Théun, what is the significance, if any, of the moon for Toltecs?

When I worked in psychiatric geriatrics, many years ago, towards full moon the whole ward would start to behave strangely and quite often we would have a death. When I worked in psychiatry later on some very disturbed individuals would get down on the floor and howl at the full moon, just like wolves. It was very disturbing and alarming for me to witness this! Having seen it I don't ever want to go there again!! But then other people also genuinely believed that trees and plants were growing inside them and other strange individualised things.

Could my current life become so meaningless that I could end up howling at the moon? But then I am like everyone and mighty forces and evolution rule everything. So how could a meaningless dot like me have any significance? Apart from joining up with all the other dots and raising my consciousness.

Living by the sea I feel the pull of the tides more and I know our wombs are in tune with this even if we are barren. Eventually all the women in the area, with few exceptions, menstruate on or around the same time. Yes we are all at once a grumpy bunch at work!!!

I still can't believe that I felt nothing in particular on the full moon of 13th of June 1995. Was I unconscious or what? I was aware of nothing!!! Apart from a pleasant summer day and exams on or over at last.

I can understand the moon when it appears in the tarot. It ebbs and flows, a 28-day cycle, new to old with a regular pattern. But is it just a wild card because there are many more dimensions we have forgotten or just don't know about?

Do warriors, wolves and lunatics look to the moon and howl because they realise they have lost their freedom? We don't know what we don't know or really what is lost. Is that why we are always seeking?

Your Dotty


My dear friend, Dotty, the dream symbol of the moon means the Totality of the Self. However, this should NOT be taken at face value. But I will explain.

The moon is an OLD and DYING FORM that represents our SUBCONSCIOUS memory of what it is to be, not ONLY animal, but also the transition from animal man to INDIVIDUALISED man. As animals we were FREE and we had little to no concern other than to eat and to procreate according to the seasons. Of course, we also had to survive predators, but that is PART of life. Nothing much to howl about THAT! :)

However, with individualisation came the development of the RATIONAL MIND, and with that came fears, doubts, uncertainties and in short, the loss of freedom. Yet the Totality of Self RE-MEMBERS the freedom it had as animal, and the freedom it is striving for as MAN, as opposed to hu-man, animal man. And thus there is ALWAYS that deep inner striving towards freedom which, as hu-man, is now ONLY possible by achieving the Totality of Self. What is the Totality of Self? It is the deep intuitive KNOWING that only when we TRANSMUTE everything undesirable within our ANIMAL nature, and then TRANSFORM our tonals into being PROPER tonals fit to be called HU-MAN tonals, that eventual TRANSFIGURATION into true MAN can be achieved.

Thus we go from ANIMAL to HU-MAN to MAN in the development of our awareness. Once this has been achieved we have rightfully arrived at the Totality of the Self, the TRUE self, the TRUE awareness of the Spirit of Man, the nagal in us all. Only THEN can we stand FREE from the form-side of life. Until then IDENTIFICATION with the FORM holds us entrapped within the form, whatever our form may be.

SO when lunatics and wolves howl at the full moon, the lunatic howls because he can intuitively sense that in this lifetime he is NEVER going to achieve the Totality of the Self; and the wolf howls because he KNOWS that the time is coming when he will lose his present freedom in order to embrace a HU-MAN FORM. Poignant! VERY poignant! :)

The Tarot card, The Moon, is the card of the trained nagal, COURAGE! The trained nagal, severed from the SUN, the Nagal, is forced to live within the Darkness until he LEARNS how to find within himself the COURAGE with which to befriend the darkness. Thereby he discovers that the darkness is in fact his own subconscious mind, his animal mind, and by RECONCILING the animal within him with his hu-man, and then the hu-man with man, he reconciles also good and evil, the Christ and Lucifer, God's ONLY Begotten Son and God's FIRST Begotten Son. This, my dear friend, is the very essence of true esoteric Christianity, embodied by every trained nagal of the Toltec tradition. :)

The only warriors that ever "howl" at the full moon, are those that belong to the dreaming class, the Wolves. LOL! But the "howl" of the Wolf in this instance, is the deep inner longing of every WOLF for the FREEDOM to be of service to the One Life! So whenever the Wolf experiences the full moon, there is a deep inner recognition of something that is dying - humanity losing its freedom because of choosing to remain fast asleep! This makes the Wolf howl! Again the howl of the Wolf on a "night" lit by the DYING light of a full moon is very haunting in its poignancy.

You have called forth a lot of guidance for the left-side here, so take CARE not to analyse it with the MIND. Instead strive to FEEL your way by using the words as a springboard into the Unknown. :)

With all my warmth,
An Old Wolf,