Recapitulation, active from Warriors' Experience


  • Recapitulation, active
  • Assemblage point, the, effect of movement/shift

Question:

Theun, as per the request of another apprentice, I am sending to you the message that I posted in the living room a couple of days ago. Before writing it, I debated whether or not to send it here or to post it where I did. I chose the living room because I don't exactly NEED guidance. It was after all an experience in CLARITY. LOL. But since I'm asking anyway, my interpretation is that I SHIFTED the assemblage point toward the heart centre but lacked the necessary self-discipline to maintain it. I think there are many (including me of course LOL) who would appreciate your comments.

"Hello everyone.

I would like to share. This is hard. I am typing slow. I am on the brink of tears. I am scared. It is Wednesday here, 4:27 pm.

As of a few days ago I no longer have the luxury of procrastinating the recapitulation. I sat down on Monday evening with the intention of recapitulating. My mind begins throwing random events, people, things, etc but we know that the recap is about remembering feelings not thoughts. Now, and I think that this is important, I seem to have a natural tendency towards organization and neatness so, what I decided to do was to make a table with months of the year at the top and at the left side I listed all the years from when I was born to now and then filled it in with my ages, school years, when I worked where, etc. When one of these random thoughts came I acknowledged it by sliding it into its correct month and year then I moved on to the next random thought. I gave it no more consideration, no more concentration, no more effort of any kind. One by one they came, were written down, were sorted. My mind kept chatting, chatting, chatting....When I was ready for bed my mind still kept chatting and I had trouble falling asleep for a long time.

Tuesday is my only day off work. I woke up and went to the computer with the intention of continuing. After maybe ten or fifteen minutes I sat staring at my chart and was suddenly gripped with the most intense inner pain I have ever felt. I felt it throughout my whole body but it was concentrated in my chest and abdomen. It brought tears to my eyes but they didn't fall. Next I felt an extreme nausea. I went to the washroom to vomit but it subsided before I did. After that I was left with what I think was my first glimpse at true sobriety and with it came some understanding. What is left is only an intellectual MEMORY of that understanding but I will share with you what I remember:

1st and most important: Before this, I was reluctant for months upon months to recap until I learned how to do it RIGHT. I read the chapter in Return of the Warriors several times and everything on it in the study but felt that I still didn't understand it enough to start practicing. Well, I realized that the TECHNIQUE of recapitulating is so so easy, it's laughable! I might have laughed at my foolishness but, with the state I was in, I only found it vaguely amusing. But while the TECHNIQUE is easy, the PRACTICE is literally HARD AS HELL. Theun often used the terms: "long" "nightmarish" "hell" when describing experiences of the apprentices in his books. I did not credit these terms with the true accuracy that they deserved. Let me tell you now, they are dead on!

2nd: I understood for the first time what the word HUMILITY meant

3rd: My mind was calm! Seriously, it was actually calm! Dare I go as far as to say, at peace? Maybe I exaggerate but let me tell you, it felt incredibly serene.

The experience lasted until a moment where I lost courage (less than an hour) and I ruined it by no longer taking heart in favour of a pleasantry. Then it started to dissipate. The details of this incident are not important. I know where and when it happened. What followed was an airiness in my mind that continues off and on even now. Yesterday it actually took me more than ten minutes to decide which of three flashlights lying side-by-side on the floor I should use. LAMOF. There are some other side effects but all the details aren't important in this message.

I wanted to write this to, besides letting it all out to friends who might understand, share the technique that I found useful in hopes that maybe others will benefit from it. Take note that it took less than twenty four hours from the time that I started to recap to the time when I actually started to do it RIGHT LAMOF ;) and I even achieved a small degree of result. I know it was a baby step, just a tiny step towards learning but a step none-the-less.

I could also clearly see how sobriety can be such a deadly enemy."

Yours in service, nagal!

Answer:

LOL! Congratulations! You did well with your first real attempt at recapitulating. It is just a pity you took fright! More courage next time, eh? <g>

However, it was not a SHIFT of the assemblage point you experienced, but a MOVEMENT of the assemblage point. Study the difference between these two. You will find it clearly explained in the books.

Had you had a SHIFT in the assemblage point you would have experienced an alternate reality! And if a mere movement of the assemblage point had made you nauseas imagine what would have happened had you experienced an alternate reality? LMAO!

Many years ago, whilst on a field trip with my first unit of warriors, I heard this terrified screaming coming from a path towards my right. As I was sitting on top of a hill at the time, I looked to see where the scream was coming from, and there was the Westerly Stalker standing, frozen on the spot, and screaming her head off! By the time I reached her she was beside herself with fear! I had to SHOUT in her ear to get her back into normal awareness and to stop screaming at the top of her VERY robust lungs! LOL! She had been practising the right way of walking and experienced a shift of the assemblage point and therefore an alternate reality. LOL! She didn't know where she was, so typical of novices, had done the only thing she could think of - stay put and scream blue murder! LMAO! I later teased her, asking her what she would have done had I not been there to get her back into normal awareness? Still in shock, she glared back at me, like only a female Stalker can glare, LOL, and retorted, "I would probably have pissed in my pants!" So I asked, "And then?" She glared at me again, and fired back, "Oh, FUCK OFF, Théun! What was I SUPPOSED to do?" SMT RATFL!

The moral of the story: If you find yourself within an alternate reality, remain calm and collected, sit down and EN-JOY EXPLORING the new reality you find yourself in. After a while the assemblage point will automatically return to normal awareness, unless you have the personal power to keep it at that reality.

With much warmth and laughter,
Théun