Obsession from Warriors' Experience


  • Obsession

Question:

Théun Mares and fellow appendices, this is the first message that is forwarded to you and it is not accompanied without a generous amount of fear, admiration and heartfelt respect. My life would have been void of meaning if it wasn't for your books and guidance imparted in the various media. I thank you and I thank A. who introduced me to your world.

My plan since registration was to request for guidance in relation to my professional life but not in this message. I would have further postponed my writing to you if it wasn't for an urgent - as I perceive it, call from my girlfriend's dreamer for the provision of immediate guidance from her predominant male in her life ... that is me.

I therefore take the liberty to forward the following correspondence between me and my girlfriend relating to her last night's dream. Can I have your guidance on whether my interpretation of her dream and my advice to her is on the right track?

It might be useful in this context to mention that :

  • I consider my self to be less of a true male at the moment and C's dreamer seems to be giving me practical advice on claiming my maleness in the form of providing the lead in our relationship

  • we had a cooking session the day before she had this dream (we both like cooking) which was initiated by me as a way to foster cooperation and follow on the advise portrayed by her dreamer in her day-before-yesterday's dream. This later one regarded a workshop coordinator who asked her for an example of a good and a bad leader. She could not remember any example of a good leader and she faked one; that of her first boss (a black African man who although charming his NGO was shut down amidst allegations of fraud). Under the gentle insistence of the coordinator she admitted that indeed, he was not a good leader: he was manipulative (giving the impression to each and every one of the female staff that he likes her more that the others) and had trouble with the law. These characteristics I recognise as elements of my behaviour which I currently work with.

  • Her feelings upon waking up were positive in both dreams.

  • I have recently communicated to her that our relationship, in its current form, has no heart for me and unless we drastically work with each other as mirrors and be ruthlessly honest about ourselves and our relationship, I will withdraw from it.

  • C is reluctant in adopting in theory and in practice the Toltec teachings, a fact which, I believe reflects my own inappropriate or/and lack of application of the teachings.

  • We are not sexually attracted to each other; instead there is an ocean of tenderness between us. We are utterly incompatible in a physical sense: I am a skinny man and she is a tall, fully-built woman. Is physical mis-match a criterion for general incompatibility in a relationship? Is sexual desire a precondition for a healthy relationship?

  • I am having all night recapitulation sessions for the last 3 weeks and this has shed a lot of light on the way I relate to her. With clarity, an unexplainable pain in my middle back (lack of action as a dream symbol) has also made its presence and I visit an acupuncturist who applies electricity (nagal/ spirit) for 30 minutes through a needle. Signs of nagal/spirit are a frequent theme in my dreams lately (sun, hawk, Théun, electricity). I feel this is related to C's dreams.

Finally I would like to request permission to visit you at the Temple of Peace at your convenience.

My girlfriend's dream (unedited):

Variation on the leadership theme:

I am in the kitchen with a cook and some women. The cook is a famous Belgian chef, now retired, but once the chef of Belgium's best restaurant 'Comme chez soi' (which means 'as at your own place', so our place and our kitchen). There are also a lot of other women in the kitchen, but he is the only man and he's the one who's cooking. I notice this in my dream. He is preparing a tomato sauce (does this ring any bell?). He does this in a very professional, clean (meaning not messy) way, using only the necessary ingredients and utensils. The kitchen is one of these big professional kitchens, with big cookers and it also has several cookers in different parts of the space (the kitchen reminds me a bit of the kitchen in Rob's house). He's cooking on the left side and then moves to the right side of the kitchen where a soup is being prepared. He is not preparing it himself but he has given the order. I notice that the leek has not been cut and I see the long stems of the leek in the pot. I find this peculiar because this is what I would always do (habitually without questioning if it is necessary?), but the cook tells me that actually the cutting of the vegetables is not necessary because he's going to blend them anyway. It would be a waste of time to cut them. There are some women in the kitchen who also want to cook something but they want to do the same thing at the same time and are grabbing the pot from each others hands and walking in each others' way. The chef says that this is not the way to make a kitchen work and that everybody has to know his/her role and stick to it otherwise it will be a mess.

This dream reminds me of our cooking experience yesterday. I wanted to follow your instructions and leave the recipe up to you, but I found it very difficult not to interfere and I was especially banging on the flour issue because this is an ingredient I would usually not add. The sauce really worked out well though.

C

My response (unedited - my retrospective apologies for possible misinterpretation of your teaching in the text below - your guidance on whether I act as the appropriate vehicle for the transmission of the teaching to C will be appreciated):

Your dream, I find, is personal but also apocalyptic in terms of what Plato in the "Republic" means by the definition of justice i.e. in order to have balance and avoid chaos and anarchy, everybody in the society should do his/her own job without interfering in the job of the others (Remember our conversation the other day?) The same principle applies in every situation that requires distinction or separation of sorts such as in the case of societal structure, the functionality of the members of the body, the role of the sexes. Mares says that when separation is established by making the distinction between the different qualities then you need to be inclusive and allow the "individual" (as in separate) members to intelligently cooperate with (rather than against) each other. For this, Plato was accused for being racist and fascist (if his principles are applied in modern society) and anti-feminist (if his principles are applied in the contemporary battle of the sexes). For Mares, or rather the way I interpret his books, where feminists got it wrong is that they opt for inclusivity (i.e. bring the 2 sexes together) without first having made the distinctions between sexes or between sexuality and consciousness. The result is a con-fusion (as in fusion i.e. merging; the two becoming an indistinguishable one) of what is a male and what is female which brings unhappiness because you cannot fulfil your purpose as a male/female if you are not sure whether you are one or whether you are one but you insist to be something else because the society wants you to be something else. You saw, I believe, your guardian angel / dreamer in your dream again. The first time it was me in the role of a personal development workshop coordinator, last time it was a workshop leader, this time it was a Belgian cook, I hope one day it will be the male you will grant your trust, purpose and life to.
In sum, your angel is definitely giving you the message that you need to be guided in a skillful way i.e. I (or your dominant male in your life at the moment... your father?) should move swiftly from, and communicate with, your heart (left side) towards your logical mind (right side) of the kitchen (internal warm hearth inner area of your being where spiritual food is prepared) which looks like a communal house (R's house which is a commune and a converted church). In that respect we should be thinking seriously to reactivate our common wish to search for a commune. I seem to possess skills that you need to pick up (blending the leek = new vs. Cutting the leak = old) not so much in a way of learning new techniques but in a way of helping you change your habitual way of doing things. It is also obvious that you are ready now to abandon your impractical and unnecessary ideas about the superiority of the female in favour of learning how to trust and take the lead from a male figure, starting with your dreamer in your dream and follow through your preferred male in the waking life. Fortunately or unfortunately it is me that male at the moment. So, are we going to cook this relationship to our taste or play the stupid game of fighting for leadership as the women in your dream do?

Punting on my chef's hat and inviting you for a cooking session.

Answer:

Well, well well!

May I ask, are you an attorney by any chance? I ask because your email has all the overtones of an attorney who has already done the litigation process and is now doing his closing argument! LOL!

If this is indeed your closing argument, then I must say it is GOOD, and I have no problem with anything you say. So in the spirit of offering you guidance, allow me to take this from another angle.

Why are you wanting to know about having sex with your girlfriend, when you know the teachings well enough to know that having extra-marital sex is life-destructive? In other words, if you are so CLEAR on what your girlfriend NEEDS to do, that is, take your lead, then WHAT lead do you wish her to take if extra-marital sex would have been okay if the two of you were physically compatible?

What I read between the lines in what you are saying, is that it is okay for YOU to break the rules if it suits you, but it is NOT okay that your girlfriend shows no interest in the teachings. Is this not just an eensy-teensy-weensy bit hypocritical?

And what, for that matter, are you doing with a woman who is NOT interested in the teachings? Are you going to convert her like a good missionary? Are you going to force her like a good Christian? I am sure you know what I mean. It goes something like this, "Unless you BELIEVE in Christ I am going to kill you!" Are you going to be her Good Shepherd? LOL! And what, may I ask, is this crap about an OCEAN of tenderness between you? From the tone of your email it is quite clear, at least to me, that you AND your girlfriend are about as SENSITIVE as two smelly old boots, and every bit as HARD as the rusty old nails in their soles. So spare me the crap about an OCEAN of tenderness, okay? <ebwg>

No, my friend. I think you are good. In fact, you are VERY good at what you do! But what makes me take a BIG step back from you as I draw my sword, is that I also see a HUGE amount of arrogance and self-righteousness in you.

So, thank you for the invitation to have a cooking session with you, but NO thank you! LOL! I would prefer instead to see WHAT is beneath that chef's hat of yours! <ww>

Cooking, you say? RATFL! I am trying to help a fellow apprentice of yours to complete the work of Gurdjieff. But......this man, as good as he was, perhaps even better than you, LOL, was OBSESSED with cooking, with food of EVERY description, with drinking and with sex! Now I have nothing against this, please understand! But........it is the OBSESSION I am concerned about, an obsession that ultimately leads to arrogance and self-righteousness. So then, like in Gurdjieff's case, we end up with toasting the Science of Idiotism!

With much amusement,
Théun