Nagal, a, blow from, examples of from Warriors' Experience


  • Nagal, a, blow from, examples of

Question:

Théun, I am asking for your guidance regarding my search for a job. There are a few things I will touch on here.

I moved to a new city almost one year ago with my husband. He got a job within a week of us getting here. I was going to start looking after getting settled into our apartment, and was going to look for part-time work only. I had a six year career back in the last city we lived in that I had left well before moving. I continued to work after leaving my career on a part-time basis before the move. The last city was where I had lived my whole life. Since I was fifteen I always had a job, and never had any trouble finding one. Often I got jobs through friends of mine, and I rarely even got interviewed. I never thought it would be a problem to find a job. I excelled at all of them, except for the sales aspect of my last career. I know that I'm a very good worker. I started looking for a couple of jobs here in the new city after getting settled, and I had a good idea of where I wanted to apply. I was looking for part-time only because my husband and I were getting married in the coming summer, and I wanted time to plan our wedding. I also decided that I was going to go to a school here that offered a program for holistic nutrition, and I would start in the fall, which is now. I have been looking for jobs on and off since late last year. I only put in a little effort at first, as I just assumed that I would have the first job I applied for. Well, that hasn't happened. And now, I am putting in more effort. My husband doesn't feel that I'm trying hard enough, and for me, it's more effort than I have ever had to put in. I've sent out many resumes via e-mail and I've had some interviews, and nothing. And yes, at times I have been lazy in regard to looking and putting myself out there.

As I've been looking at this, a few things have come up.

It's not meant to be for me to be working at any of these places or for any of these people

One friend has suggested that this is about my need to be independent, as I've been acting out helplessness. And, that I am beyond working for anybody, and that I should start my own business. I have taken some steps to do this, just not all the steps yet. I have lack of self-worth and scarcity coming up when I'm trying to set prices for my services. And fear, I can't forget about that one.

And what I'm going to state now, feels like it could be the biggest reason, and perhaps the only reason why I haven't gotten a job yet. I mentioned helplessness in the above note. In the last city we(my husband and I) were in, we lived together for quite some time. When we first moved in together we shared all the expenses and both worked full time. After some time I started working a little less as I was getting tired of such long days. Gradually, over a few years, I worked less and less, and I started doing all the cooking, grocery shopping etc. Then, once I stopped my career, I went very part-time at a job until we moved. His money supported us and was saved for our move. Any money I made was spent a little on food, and otherwise, frivolously. For the most part I felt okay about this as I was organizing our move and doing the grocery shopping, cooking etc. At times though, I felt some guilt and the need to justify what I was doing and spending money on, and I was on the defense. Well this has been the same since living where we are now. I feel okay with what I've been doing with my time, but then I feel the need to justify and defend especially what I've been doing with our money. Back to the helplessness. I was feeling that helplessness is the reason I am not finding work as I can see this dynamic between my husband and I. I am getting away with what I'm doing, or not doing, so I continue to take advantage of him. I played the same game with my mother growing up. I read in the study about helplessness. I believe I'm correct in the article name and # - Warrior's experience article 174, Helplessness, consequences of. In your answer you say "Like all children they try to manipulate their parents into giving them life on their own terms". Before reading this I thought it was simply my mother's guilt that got her to play into the game of helping me. After reading it, I did have a laugh. I knew that I was good at manipulating, but I hadn't seen the full scope of the situation. With her or my husband. I still have a great deal to learn about with this. I'm not seeing the whole picture or the bigger picture yet. I'm still getting life on my terms, so I'm lazy in trying to see more of it. And when I have tried to see more, I feel stuck. I have seen a part of this from my past, when I started to behave helpless and then manipulate, I can feel the pain there. I'm not getting all of it though. And this is where I'm at now. I'm still looking for work, and still nothing.

Just to note, I mentioned a lack of self-worth and scarcity consciousness above, and that has been there since the beginning of my working days, as it was learned as a child. I had jobs and made descent money in the past, so it may be a part of this, but I'm not sure if it relates to now or not.

I would greatly appreciate any light that you can shed on my situation here. Hopefully I've included enough information, and also not too much. I've been sitting with this for awhile now, and it's not budging, maybe I'm sitting on it. I feel it lurking in the shadows.

Thank-you Théun

Answer:

My friend, what kind of guidance would you like? Would you like to hear the truth, or would you like me to be gentle with your ego? I ask you this because I never lie to people, and I have sensed from the first time that you joined us that your only friends are those that support you in your bullshit! You don't like hearing the truth, for you are quite used to having life on your own terms, and therefore EXPECT everyone around you to be ever so NICE to you.

Let me know if you would still like my guidance or not. If you would like my guidance, then send me this email again.

With kind regards,
Théun