Nagal, a, interaction with, examples of from Warriors' Experience


  • Nagal, a, interaction with, examples of

Question:

Théun, thank you for your warmth and kind words. You HAVE given me much EN-COURAGEMENT and I take great HEART from them. My sadness as I expressed it was not just for my self, also for all the 'low' life forms. Are they not our BROTHERS, can we be FREE if they are in bondage? Is it not our RESPONSIBILITY, HONNOR AND DIGNITY to shoulder this burden? Is this not Humanity's karma and therefore the cross that it must carry? Can we stand aside and not offer a HAND to the lowest of the low that they may GRASP it and STAND? And even if it is impossible, does that we should not fight that impossible battle? It feels to me that I should at least acknowledge that I am not alone, I am no different, no better or worse than all these my brothers, by feeling the deepest sadness that can I BEAR.

I cannot put this into to words! This sounds so terribly maudlin and self-important.

And yes I do feel the greatest sadness and loneliness knowing that I can never fully BE-LONG in this world at this time. This is no doubt why I have had such a hard time in letting go of my children, for they are (I feel) my only true CONTACT with this world. Each time, as I leave them having spent a weekend with them my heart wrenches with the deepest sorrow, sorrow that is out of all proportion.

With regard to any bullshit I may have been taught, I rather suspect, that in many cases it is my limited understanding and ability to communicate precisely that is at fault. Not withstanding that, there is obviously an enormous amount of bullshit available :)

I have come to realise that one of the reasons that I ignore my bisexuality and playing a female role is that I feel less of a male, inadequate and ashamed as a result. I 'feel' as though there is something 'wrong' with me. This is the driver behind my aggressiveness, controlling behaviour and temper especially in the work environment. It has its roots in my childhood upbringing, in being controlled, silenced, etc, etc. About time I got over it :( . With this clarity, at least I something to work with.

I remain unconvinced that I should remain in the job I am in, though I am still committed to doing so. Guidance from D to one of the other apprentices in communiqué 49 struck a chord:

"...one starts consciously following the guiding forces in one’s life… …You can learn to allow these forces to guide you by ACTING impeccably and then ADJUSTING your direction based on how power supports your actions… "

I have set about dealing with anything that I have left hanging/unfinished/procrastinated over.. And have noticed that as I deal with these things, that they seem to flow and happen with relative ease. This is in stark contrast to work, where I feel like I am pulling teeth. It may well be that I am still resisting the role I should be playing there despite my efforts to cooperate and work in a female role. Perhaps my concept of the 'role' is wrong! Wouldn't be the first time. I would appreciate any guidance you might feel appropriate on this.

During my daily meditations, there is a very strong urge to go into the spinal breathing pattern that I always used to begin each meditation with. I have not done so, despite the urge being quite strong at times. I notice as well that my meditations do not seem to have the same depth now. It may just be an 'anchor' in NLP terms, something like the 'cleansing breathe' for Active Dreaming. Is there anything else that I should know?

I have a rather longish dream that I am working on, I want to work further on its interpretation before asking you directly for guidance on it. However there are a couple of symbols that I would appreciate some guidance on. This is my understanding at this point:

Cockroaches = lack of impeccability / need to clean up my act
Ants = aggressiveness / fear of

Mathematics (writing formulae) = ?? Not really sure, unless the formulae represent a desire or search for certainty/known solutions
Scribbles/doodles = confused/lazy thinking

Question:

As a Toltec of the Third Attention, with your memories fully recovered, and for any other Toltec in a similar position, I find it strange that you or any other Toltec cannot re-member an incarnation as a female and hence the knowledge that goes with it.

How is this possible? Again there is obviously much I do not know or understand.

With much love and respect.

Answer:

So we are back to being aggressive, yes? LOL! But I don't mind. :)

"........the 'low' life forms. Are they not our BROTHERS, can we be FREE if they are in bondage?"

The low life-forms, my friend, should not be in incarnation at this time. This is exactly WHY they are low life forms! They are the result of humanity's indiscriminate breeding and NOT a part of the Divine Plan. Their time is not yet. And, yes, you CAN see me as being cold and heartless if you like. And if you do I will not argue my point any further, except to say that I do not support that which was never meant to be according to the Divine Plan.

"It may well be that I am still resisting the role I should be playing there despite my efforts to cooperate and work in a female role. Perhaps my concept of the 'role' is wrong!"

I think it is! LOL! Clearly your perception of the female is that she is somehow a second-rate citizen.

"Is there anything else that I should know?"

Shrug! I have told you what I know. If you want to do the breathing then do not let me stop you. Do as you deem fit. I don't even know what kind of meditation you are doing. But does it matter?

Cockroaches and ants are insects. Insects represent shortcomings.

Mathematics and scribbles are not universal dream symbols. Therefore you will have to work out what they mean for YOU personally.

"I find it strange that you or any other Toltec cannot re-member an incarnation as a female and hence the knowledge that goes with it."

LOL! I did not say this. We do remember the knowledge gained from female incarnations very vividly! But this, you moron, does not tell us what our female direction is. Sure we can make calculated guesses. But guesses, whether calculated or not, are still only guesses! I don't give forth guesses, my friend. Unless I can give FACTS, I would rather say that I do not know! Sorry to disappoint you!

With warm regards,
Théun