Shame, nature of from Warriors' Experience


  • Shame, nature of

Question:

Greetings

Unfortunately I have not had access to the net for quite some time now, hence my silence, but I have been able to receive the communiqués on my phone, so luckily I haven’t fallen back on that.

I went through quite a challenging phase a while ago, where every conceivable thing in my life went to hell, including my relationships, my body, my car, my pc, my finances and I was in a pretty sorry state. I felt as if nothing in my life made sense anymore, and couldn't see any point in going on. When I was getting to the point where I didn't know if I could bare much more, I realised that there was one thing I did have, Attitude. At that time I saw how my attitude actually stank. LOL. So pulling together all the strength I could muster, I decided to change my attitude for better or for worse and managing to make that shift, everything began rectifying itself (with a few speed bumps along the way).

In retrospect looking at this feeling with regards to recapitulation, I came to see an extremely predominant pattern in my life, shame.

I've seen how since I was very young this sense of shame has been growing and has tainted every aspect of my life. It was sickening to see, how I had been so self-important that I could hate myself for failing and even worse, failing not by my own standards but by the standards of those around me. In retrospect, it is very sad, but also very laughable at how ludicrous I have been. I almost can't believe what a masochist I can be. I know there is a road ahead in dealing with this, but seeing it has definitely made life clearer. Is there anything you can add, about dealing with shame?

With regards to my life right now, I am focusing on the basics, Impeccability, in every little thing. The more I work at this the more I see how powerful this is, it definitely makes everything a lot more satisfying. I am also working hard towards the finances necessary to attend the courses and a visit to the temple of peace.

On another note, you have mentioned before about the correct methods of preparing food, can you recommend any books on the topic? I enjoy cooking, and have experimented with various styles.

Thank you for all your guidance.

The Choo Choo Train

Answer:

LOL! From what you share it sounds like the world fell on your head! :) Please feel free to share. What happened?

You ask about shame. Shame, my dear friend, is not a life-supportive emotion or mindset. What have you done that you should feel ashamed of? Everything within our lives, including our fuck up's, happen so that we can learn. And provided we learn, why should we be ashamed? If you look at shame closely, you will see that it is merely the little self that feels it has shamed itself in the eyes of others. The true self knows neither shame nor guilt, for the true self is not dependent upon the approval of others in order to stand strong in its own knowledge. I am going to tell you a little story to cheer you up.

When I was young I was an absolute rebel, good looking, charming and, generally speaking, very popular as a sexual partner! LAMOF! But then one day to my horror, I discovered that I had earned for myself the dubious nickname of whore! Back in the 70's this was a reputation which was cause for HUGE humiliation and shame! I was mortified, angry and upset, but above all, very, very ashamed! But in sharing my upsetness with a lady friend of mine over breakfast, she raised her eyebrows and looked me directly in the eyes before she said very calmly, "I fail to see what you are so upset about."

I could hardly believe that she should have said this to me, and so I very indignantly asked her what she meant by this. My friend again looked at me with her big eyes, and responded with all the understanding and patience of a teacher speaking to a wayward child that she finds to be particularly stupid! She said, "You should have worried about your reputation before you started to whore around town. But now that you have earned yourself this reputation you do know that it is never going to go away again, don't you? So the only thing you can do now is to live up to your reputation, for in this way at least YOU will know that it is not an unjust reputation. Knowing that it is not unjust, there is then nothing to be upset about!"

I have never forgotten the wisdom in my friend's words. LOL! For the first time in my life I realised that shame was a matter of perception. :)

I am busy right now writing a new book on food and health. I suggest you wait for this book, which will not be too long, because it is too much information to impart in an email.

With warm regards,
Théun