Marriage (s), failed, examples of from Warriors' Experience


  • Marriage (s), failed, examples of

Question:

Théun, it happened so that I fought with my husband when your letter was not received yet. My husband felt inside himself that I intended to be ruthless with him and he began to attack me. He reproached me in the agressive form that I lost the trust to him. I was taken aback and was damaged in the start. And then the day later I was telling with him very quietly and ruthless about his behavior. I was ready to part with him and he also felt it, therefore he was assenting with me. But I feel that in spite of his agreement he agrees with my words how with reproof of mother and wishes "to make amends", but he not intends to change anything cardinally. And he only attempts to hold me like this.

I agree to wait but I stay hesitating in that that it guide me to desired changing in our relationships. I re-read the book "about the feminine" and wrote the list: what I want to support in my husband and what I not want to go on to support in him. Unfortunately the second list was twice as much. When he was assenting with me I could not show him the door and to deprive of chance, although I see that he did not understand still what I wanted to say to him. He said that he will be go on to stay overnight in the flat of his mother 3 times at the week till the middle of February until the finishing his courses of driving. It takes his less time to get from there to that place than to our flat.

From that I understand that he does not consider that there is anything harming in this staying for him.

But I am alarmed more of all by that that I ended to burn inside when I think about him. I am very tired to care out about everything myself and to go on to overcome his resistance. Maybe do I have little of belief and patience? And do I behave myself wrongly?

With all my belief and love.

Answer:

There was a REASON as to why you received my guidance too late to prevent this last battle with your husband from happening. Is power not saying to you that it is already too late for this marriage to work? As you yourself say, he has no intention of really changing anything.

Also you say that you lost trust in him and that you no longer "burn" inside when you think of him. If this is so, then how can you ever trust him again, and how can you rekindle that spark within you when you think of him?

So to me it seems that the marriage is over.

"Maybe do I have little of belief and patience?"

I think you have had GREAT courage, belief and patience! But when is enough enough? If you stay with him, are you not just indulging him in his weaknesses?

"And do I behave myself wrongly?"

My friend, I will tell you what I see in you, but you may not like it. :( I do not see true love in you for this man. Instead I see INFATUATION with his potential and I see OBSESSION with wanting to make this marriage work. But at what cost to you and your daughter?

With sadness, love and support,
Théun