Théun, I want to be a wax-worker really bad! :-)
Recently I have been working alongside illegal immigrants to Canada at a cash job I am doing on the side, not by accident of course. They say it is difficult to live here without papers but in the U.S. it is very easy, especially for white people, they're Mexicans.
I know I have a tendency to simply forge ahead due to my direction, but all of the legalities and red tape involved is driving me nuts, plus my past choices and financial situation being what they are don't make it any faster or easier!
So, I am wanting to simply go and cast my lot with the other wax-workers, paperwork be damned!
I believe that it is soon not going to make any difference anyway. What the hell do I have to lose?
But it is not just me there are potential implications for all the others too.
The other issue is to do with debt and money. I could stay and pay it all off so I go there without debt, if there is time.
I make too much money for the amount of debt I have to claim bankruptcy unless I quit my job and go on the dole first.
Or I could use it as a juicy opportunity to take the rest of the money available on my credit cards and line of credit and run, thereby screwing the old sorcerers in the arse.
I would really relish this <wg>.
It might only be a small prick but they are so grim and tight I know they would grimace and wince anyway. LOL!
When it comes to leaving my home and other relationships, I want to do like the last time I moved.
Giving it my very best. I still remember when I closed the door for the last time when leaving our last home, the knowing that we had left no trail behind us and had been good stewards while we lived there. I felt uplifted, like my home thanked me, I know I felt grateful for all it had given me and it was a joy to tend to it with such care especially when leaving.
So, to summarize I want to simply cast off and go to Spokane leaving a mess behind me here in terms of debt with no intention of paying it back. Go live in the U.S. taking my last stand hand in hand with my new family. No looking back, however if fate decrees for some reason and I must return or something else then I am fine to deal with the consequences of my actions at that point. It doesn't seem right to join with my new family bringing them an anchor to bear due to my past carelessness etc.
I know I need to address the carelessness and indulgences or I will bring it to them anyways even if I do skip out on the face value in front of me now.
I am sick of waiting and talking and waffling about all of this due to logistics. Now that A. has stepped up and we have someone who is willing to take on the awesome responsibility of leading I want to get on with it!
Am I just trying to escape my fate and challenges? I ask because for me I do not see it as unimmpeccible to disregard man made laws designed to enslave, yet I chose to take the money knowing full well the agreement is that I pay it back. Though that agreement is based on an edifice that is only real by agreement and is about to crumble. I know it's foolish to try to skip out on my challenges, but I also do not want to waste precious time and resources unnecessarily.
For me the debt is only the symptom of the dis-ease, so it doesn't matter as such, what matters is what underlies the symptom. Is there any light you could shed here?
There is another aspect to this I need to add for clarity. My wife has to decide if she wants to come. If she decides not to come then I can't just forgo our debt and leave it on her shoulders. To be clear about why she is undecided; she saw going to Spokane as her chance to finally really let go and take my lead but then she got scared. She's afraid that if we are there as illegal immigrants we will not be able to come back to Canada. Meaning she may never see her family again. With all of my love.
SMT RATF LMAO!
My dear friend, you really ARE a total JOY in my life, for not only do you have GUTS, but you also have such a WONDER-FULL sense of adventure and mischief! <g> I truly love you for being who and what you are! LOL!
You KNOW that I cannot TELL you what to do, because I am NOT your Dreamer, but if your HEART tells you to go join the wax works before our Bull-in-the-China-Shop has rammed them all to hell and gone, then DO it, for Gods' sake! <g> Life is an AD-VENTURE, as I keep trying to make you all UNDER-STAND! So go and ADD YOUR VENTURE to Life, then EN-JOY and LIVE the life you were BORN to live! Go on! :) Go and be CREATIVE, and above all, be JOY-FULL! B-:) and "un fuerte abrazo!" :)
"......thereby screwing the old sorcerers in the arse. I would really relish this <wg>. It might only be a small prick but they are so grim and tight I know they would grimace and wince anyway. LOL!"
SMT RATF LMAO!
My friend, the Old Sorcerers have a VERY tight little circle of CONTROL, I mean sphincter, <g>, and so even a small prick, excuse the pun, will hurt when it stretches them to make some SPACE even for a little un! LOL! However, as MUCH as I resonate with your wicked sense of humour, I am afraid that as a Toltec I have to warn you that as warriors we have NO excuse for being unimpeccable when others are not being impeccable! :) The HONOUR of the warrior, my friend, is SACRED! :) If everything were to collapse before you have paid back your debts, then you are TRULY free from your obligation. But until then YOU must still HONOUR the commitment you made when you went into debt. :) Only in this way, namely by SACRIFICING something in order to make it SACRED, can we do our bit in transmuting the solar debris, that is, the Jewish Phenomenon.
BUT.......also remember that nagals like me, strictly speaking, are no longer needed, for THIS is humanity's hours of power! :) And as this is a FIRST in the history of our planet, please do not take my word as being gospel here! Instead FOLLOW your own HEART, my lovely friend, and as you say, if then "fate decrees for some reason I must return or something else, then I am fine to deal with the consequences of my actions at that point."
What more can I say at this point in time, other than God speed, my friend, as you follow your OWN heart! :)
Did you ever see the wonderful film, "The Sound of Music?" :) If you have not, then please do us BOTH a favour and watch it to understand what I am sharing with you in this response.
Some of us, my friend, a long time ago when it was needed, FELT a great NEED to enter the "Holy Order," and so we did! Others who came after us, got caught up in the ROMANCE of what it is to belong to the Holy Order, and therefore tried their BEST to FIT IN, but never quite did. :)
It took a VERY loving and a very UNDER-STANDING Mother Superior to point out to Maria that she should, "Climb every mountain, search high and low, follow every by way, every path you know....ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream. A dream that will need all the love you can give everyday of your life, for as long as you live." :)
Mother Superior explains to Maria that the "walls" of the Abbey (the Holy Order) were not built in order to provide people with an ESCAPISM from Life, but that she, Maria, should rather go to live the life that she was born to live! I may also add here that the Warrior's Path too, is not a Path of Escapism! :)
Yet, ironically, when Maria DOES finally scrape her courage together to "leave" the abbey and go FACE the life she was born to live, she finds herself, thanks to treachery, LOL, back at the Abbey with her husband and family, trying to escape so AS to live the life she and her family were born to live. :)
Once again Mother Superior, (The Standing Mother), comes to the rescue, and with a little help from the Mistress of NOVICES and the Mistress of POSTULANTS, Maria and her family finally "escape" to find their freedom, leaving the two Mistresses confessing to the Mother Superior that they have "sinned" in helping Maria and her family to escape. LOL!
My friend, please understand that as Toltec I am duty bound, and WILLINGLY so, to uphold the Sacred Trust, but in upholding the Sacred Trust I also strive to MEET the NEEDS of the TIMES, for how else can I uphold the trust bestowed upon me? :)
So if this then leaves me holding in my HANDS a DISTRIBUTOR and a COIL, then so be it - I have "sinned," and like you, I will take the consequences of my actions when the time comes, and I will do so willingly and without regrets. :)
The rule of the hunt, eh? :) We take our chances, and the winner takes all! :)
God speed, my friend! And God bless you! :)
With all my love, my heart and my support,
P.S. Tell your wife that her family is NOT her family! Her true family is where the heart lies! And if she were to stay with the family she KNOWS, she is going to get yet ANOTHER yeast infection! LOL!