Intelligent Co-operation, ARTICLE ON from Family Posts


  • Intelligent Co-operation, ARTICLE ON

“It takes time, patience and above all, a great deal of hard work to learn to listen to the heart accurately without constant interference from the rational mind, and it is for this reason that an apprentice’s dedication to the Warrior’s Path must be utterly impeccable. Yet, where there is a total commitment, and where there is patience, diligence and perseverance, one step leads to another, and every step taken brings its own rewards and takes the apprentice one step closer to being able to master this most important technique.”

On Christmas Eve last year, I picked up some very strange Facebook behaviour from my younger sister, F, who lives 1600kms from me.

F had posted a deluge of public posts to her kids and grandkids announcing her engagement and undying love for her new “fiancé”, a fellow poetry writer found on the internet!!! It was clear to me that she was not in her right mind. :(

Between my niece and I we eventually got the posts deleted by about 4am Christmas Day, and it was a very unhappy group of kids who spent Christmas Day trying to come to terms with Mama’s weird behaviour.

Since then F’s oldest son, A, has reached out to me as we explore as a family the avenues open to us for mental health support for F.

Whilst waiting for the psychiatrist’s report from a step-down facility F had attended pre-Xmas, A approached me to assist F with managing her finances, at her request. I had a very long call with F, who was quite lucid and most grateful for my input.

After I extracted details from F of debt after debt that she has incurred :(, I gave her direction as to the next steps she needs to take to regularise her situation. Because of the quantum that she has racked up and my doubt as to her mental health, my inner rescuer was itching to take over lol – but my feelings were telling me that F needs to empower herself with taking the next steps herself, plus she needs to face the consequences of her wanton spending.

Contrary to my guidance, F then called in a financial advisor and between the two of them they decided to take part of her future pension fund to pay off all the debt! I was aghast at this decision and for a couple of hours I went into furious internal dialogue mode until I fell quiet and tuned into why I had felt it necessary to empower F to make her own decisions. She had taken her own actions, after all.

Perhaps she has taken a short cut for now and just postponed the agony of the consequences of wanton spending. Maybe this too she may “escape”. It is not for me to judge.

A called me with his misgivings about F’s decision and I shared what I felt and once again stepped back. F stood firm in her actions and wouldn’t listen to A.

Two days later A called again for help. This time around F was off to town to meet another new male Facebook “friend” who was already asking for funds for food for his kids!

Once again, I felt I needed to step back. My heart was telling me this is not my battle. My head SO wanted to step in, to inter-fere! LAMOF!, but as it was not F wanting my support, I once again stepped back.

As each day has passed, I can sense that part of me that wants to sow doubt about my decisions to step back. Each time it takes me a few seconds to fall quiet into Big Self - and to be at peace.

Then late last night I received the psychiatrist’s 13-page diagnosis Report – a Report destined for F’s employer so as to get her boarded from work. F has been diagnosed with dementia.

I can feel my internal dialogue springing into action to question my recent actions. But this is no time for self-doubt. I trust my actions at the time came from true thinking. What I do going forward may well look like my previous actions were “wrong”. But not so. In those moments I was impeccable.

With the new, “unwelcome” information I have now received, my actions going forward may well look very different. I hope not.

Southerly Stalker