I am currently taking a break to recharge my 2019 travel batteries, especially after the battery of the current car I am driving kept running down and leaving me struggling to start the engine, day after day!!
“The battery needs to be replaced. It has been run down one too many times! lol!”
Whilst my body is lapping up the beautiful healing environment that I am in and responding very well to therapeutic interventions, my inner Taskmaster never stops!!! I live with this constant underlying un-ease that I have so many tasks to do and what am I doing just lying around reading a book, swimming or walking in the mountains when we are at month end??! Grrr!!
I have enough experience of this Taskmaster by now, that left to his own devices, he would work me into the ground, work me to death!! Lol! By the nature of the profession I chose – accountancy – I am that proverbial “financial housewife” whose work is never done! :-)
“For example, is a housewife's work EVER done? No! For no sooner have you washed, dried and packed away the dishes, when it is time to take them out and dirty them once more! The same with laundry, etc.”
I have no sooner burned the candle at both ends completing a financial month end when the next one is upon me, like now! Hitting that send button on completion of a month end, as well as meeting the deadline all ways fills me with a sense of vitality of a job well done. I like that:-) So no complaints here on that score:-)
In sitting quietly this week with this nagging phenomenon, I tuned into this low and constant “noise’ in my psyche – tension - wanting to establish what emotions are at play here. I picked up anxiety. It is dull. Ever there. Not fear, per se, but that anxiety that surfaces when there is a seemingly irreconcilable inner conflict. One part of me wanting to do this; another part wanting to do the opposite. Both thinking they have a strategy for my higher good, of course ! Bah! Lol!
I got curious.
I know I need balance. My former life profession is that of an accountant after all! Lol! Journey of a lifetime, this finding balance! :)
I know like in any conflict I need to validate both sides in the conflict to find the missing link between the two inner warring sides. To find my inner harmony once more. To uncover the new knowledge that will resolve the conflict.
Then I recall this guidance:
“Being GOAL orientated always brings about TENSION, and this tension manifests as ANXIETY! Relax INTO the process of life and the SAME tension becomes UPLIFTING and LIFE-SUPPORTIVE, as in the tensions inherent WITHIN the web of life, manifesting as EXHILARATION! “
Voila! That is it! Bloody goal orientation! Lol!
So this is now my focus. Working towards using this tension to become exhilarated by financial month ends! Lolol!
“Furthermore, COMPLETION brings about VITALITY, but this can only take place when you see completion for what it truly is!”
“Completion is forever folding back upon itself within the PROCESS of EVOLUTION! The trick lies in learning to work WITH the process, rather than AGAINST it.”
Taking baby steps, I am:-) Made a deal with Taskmaster that if I completed this “task” I can go and attend an educational lecture on….. finding balance Lolol!
Have a most happy December, folks!