Happy Monday and Happy month!!
Oh my, it IS exhausting trying to control the universe, isn’t it? LOL!
It is Day 72 of my lock down! It feels like 72 years and yet it was just the month before last when I arrived back here in Cape Town. I have not yet even seen in the flesh one of my family members that I came back to see.
“Stepping over an emotion (versus suppressing it) is as simple as ACKNOWLEDGING one’s emotion, and then WORKING with it with SKILL IN ACTION! For example, if you become hugely angry, you acknowledge that anger to yourself and then USE it to fuel your clarity, your sense of courage and above all, your ACTIONS! In other words, you make the anger work FOR you in the moment it arises!”
This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me and COVID-time seems to have slowed everything down so as to support me in stepping over my emotions and not suppressing them, which sometimes happens when I have so many things to do and so many places to go. Each emotion surfacing and each feeling arising has been guiding me through a time of enormous uncertainty and adaptation, of improvisation and creativity. Exciting!
For the past week I have been on a 48-hour notice to fly out on a repatriation flight back to Europe!! It would mean at worst a mandatory state institution 14-day quarantine in Slovakia or at best another 14-day self-isolation there - with the download of a mobile application that will record my every movement! Definitely not keen on either option! But….
Tension has been building in me since our international borders closed here in March and my flight back to Europe at the end of April was canceled. It meant that I missed facilitating our ISM Retreat in Bulgaria in early May. Everyone had their air tickets booked and the Retreat was full. None of us could see a Retreat working across the world online. Webex, Zoom et al are just NO substitute for connecting in person, the very reason for us hosting a Retreat. Another tension is I have ISM course commitments in Europe later this year and whilst I am acting as if they are taking place, at the rate the virus is unfolding day by day here in Cape Town, the horizon for international flights taking off from here is being extended out further and further each day.
My fast and furious 12-hour notice to leave Europe in March to come back here earlier was mainly fueled by my not wanting to go into a 14-day quarantine in Slovakia and then possibly getting stuck there indefinitely. I don’t speak the language and I was already experiencing the loneliness of such an isolated situation even though it hadn’t yet happened.
So choosing to head back there now appears insane - at face value! Lol!
So I quietly dipped my toe in the water without saying anything to anyone and wrote an email to the Slovak Consul about repatriation flights, giggling at the irony. I held my breath until the quick response came back that our international borders are closed and therefore no flights. Whew! Okay, that was that. I had tried my best. I had been impeccable. The tension eased.
For two days.
Then suddenly out the blue came a second email to say from Saturday last week until 4th June the UK has repatriation flights and I need to commit by the next day if I want to avail myself of this opportunity!
The last time this happened was in 2007 when my fellow kindred spirit announced we were heading to live in Europe (Slovakia) . I was in shock!! It had never occurred to me, ever been in my view of the world, to leave my home country and my beloved Cape Town. After some time, I secretly dipped my toe in the water. I put my precious home on the market - at an inflated asking price – and sat back smugly! Within an unprecedented 30 days I received an offer at asking price - plus a request for buying most of my furniture!
How do you argue with that signal from the universe?? A fleeting moment of chance, it was!
I took the offer – and with that have been on an add-venture of a lifetime ever since!!
'But what I wanted to point out, was essentially that people often become very frustrated upon the Warrior's Path, because they try, and they try and they try, and they believe that they are putting their EVERYTHING in, ..... and it's a question I quite often get, and people can be quite tearful about it. "Théun, why, when I'm giving it my ALL is my life still not working? I STILL keep calling forth the same lesson, over and over."
And honestly, often in those situations, I can only say to the person concerned, "Because you are doing very WELL! You are learning so MUCH! So power can support you, by saying: you are doing well -- here, learn some more, whilst you are open, whilst you are receptive. Here is your opportunity to learn more and more."
But of course, the little self doesn't like that; people don't like that. You must have this experience once, and then it's over, done and then it's finished, and you can move on.
But of course, life doesn't work that way, because all of learning goes in a spiral. Yes?'
And here I was in 2020 heading for another turn of the spiral! As I received that email that same sense of inevitability whacked me in the solar plexus! I took a huge breath – and filed my details! I was officially on a 48-hour notice to pack up and leave cape Town!!
Now one week later, and many emotions and emails later re permissible travel documents, I find myself aligning my fortunes with the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon rocket. LOL! On Wednesday night after many WhatsApp messages back and forth to a UK friend re potential EU visa entry challenges, the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon was “scrubbed”! An omen!
From excitement about heading out of lock down on an add-venture to Europe, return date unknown, to a huge resistance to head for more quarantine time in a foreign country , to not wanting to get out of my “inner hermit” Covid comfort zone, to relief that this trip isn’t going to happen, amongst many other emotions, last night Space X launched successfully! Astronauts off into space - to the space station - for the first time in 9 years. It was exciting! It was scary! My heart was beating! I held my breath until they were “safely” in orbit. Felt huge relief today that they had docked successfully with the space station. What an add-venture!
So… will I or will I not take off this week? Who knows??
I am now humble enough to accept that this past week I have ex-hausted myself trying to control the universe!! - LAMOF - and now I fully accept that the outcome is not in my hands :-) I have a sneaky feeling though that a fleeting moment of chance is on its way..or maybe not! Lol!
SELF-CONFIDENCE, AS IT IS GENERALLY UNDERSTOOD, IMPLIES ARROGANT PRESUMPTION; HUMILITY IMPLIES BEING IMPECCABLE IN ONE’S ACTIONS AND FEELINGS.
As the old song goes Que sera sera….. whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see…